Dear Craig, I am so sorry for your pain. These things are hard to understand. I'm not saying that you do this, but I think I am guilty of saying that when I have put something in God's hands, then He is going to do the thing I want done. When it doesn't work out the way I wanted it to, I am not only disappointed but feel like God let me down a little bit. Most people won't admit that, but I think that is how most of us truly feel. However, you are right in that God will have something down the road. This was not His will, but He would not force your W to do what she didn't want to do. So, in her free will, she chose to do the wrong thing. Anyway, God will keep you and make a way. Being a Christian does not protect us from all pain and suffering, does it? However, this lifetime is the only one that we will experience that....thank God. I don't think I can tell you anything you don't already know, and I believe you will keep leaning on Jesus. This is a bad day, but better days will come for you b/c you are a child of the King. Just saying that makes one feel better! I am royalty b/c I am a child of the King!
I was thinking about how God knows your pain and all that you are enduring right now and it made me think of something in my own life. It is like child birth. It is something that you have to go through, but He is there with your while you are suffering the pain. That is an experience that I learned having one of my babies. When I was a kid, I use to hear the old expression that giving birth was the next thing to dying. Well, of course that scared me to death! Anyway, with my second child, I was in extreme labor and I called out my H's name and I looked over at him and he had laid his head down on the bed by my shoulder and I don't guess he heard me even call his name (maybe I was whispering...I don't know) but I realized nobody could help me, so then I called out to the Lord and said, "Jesus, Jesus, please help me!" I honestly did not know if I could stand the pain any longer. Now, I have only shared this story with about 5 people, so I hope you will realize that telling this personal experience is special to me and I hope it will be to you. When I cried out to Jesus, it was as if there was a "presence" or something that was hovered right above me. I know, it sounds crazy and that is one reason I don't tell people. But, it calmed me down and I heard nothing audible, but the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart as clearly as anyting I ever heard. He said, "Sandi, you are going to have to go through giving birth to this baby. There is no turning back and nobody can help you. This is a passage way that only you can go through. But, I am here with you all the way." Then I knew at that moment in time that when I die it will be the same way. I will have to go through that passage, but He will be with me all the way. I immediately felt peace and calmed down. I was not afraid any longer.
So, I did go through it and had that big baby boy! That was a spiritual experience, if you want to call it that, but it has always been very special to me and that is why I wanted to share it with you. I hope you will draw strength somehow from it to know that He is with you through this pain that you have to endure. You are not alone.
I wanted to say something to help, but I know there is really nothing I can do, Craig, except pray--and you have that.
Please take care of yourself and don't give up the faith. You have been so good to inspire me and to help others. I think God has used you here.
Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
