Hey Dagny,

Great to meet you :-) I'm glad the beach helped you in some ways.

It sounds like there are some positive signs in your R, but I haven't read your whole thread.

Re the moving out thing... It is a hard question. I sort of helped my H find a place, and sort of helped him move out logistically... But I also sort of didn't... I didn't make a decision and stick with it. I kept trying to please him... Bad idea. I wish I had just taken a position, but I don't know which one.... "Move out now, you aren't trying and I can't live with this hell. Let me know if you ever want to try and I'll think about it." OR "I can't stop you from moving out but I'm not going to help." I do think that it was a mistake to help him look for a place. First, he wanted a place that had nothing to do with me, so helping him look kind of interferred with that. Second, I was still in fixer mode, and people pleasing mode. Third, it just wasn't good for *me*.

Whatever you decide, make a choice that you can live with.... don't make empty threats..... don't do something that you'll beat yourself up about later.....

I wish I could say more to help, but I'm kind of past the DB cheerleading stage. & Trust that no matter what happens, things *will* keep getting better, though not as steadily as one might like. Having met you, I'm sure your future is full of promise, sweetness, and love.

Hugs,
Acorn