HG, I have been thinking about you since last night...kind of an oddity but we are two eggs in the same basket. A basket that is slightly different than most here, but what the heck.
In my opinion there is probably, at a minimum, an EA going on. The real truth about affairs is that we cannot control our spouses or their actions. We can setup boundaries, but even those are truly limited. Are you really living as roommates at the moment? I am confused because you did state that sex has been very good and I am not sure if that is current or months ago. Either way, you need to change focus from her and move it to you. I know it is hard as heck to do, but it is possible. Control what you can control and that is you and your life. Do the 180's and GALing for you. Buy new clothes, new perfume, jewelry, or under garments....what ever your heart has been wanting in secret. Refind yourself!
I know Puppy would disagree, but I would not expose the relationship at this point. I feel that there is little to be gained by this and more to be lost. Even worse, what if it is only a friendship with one slip one night. Your relationship is based more upon trust, communication, and emotional connection ....all of that will take a huge beating if you expose her at this point. Find yourself and then rebuild the friendship. One thing I did that has helped a lot is putting myself in her shoes. How would you feel if you were at the receiving end of your actions? Not that your are unjustified, but understanding your problem from both sides helps remove the fog of misunderstanding.
