Ali, this is so true. The love a mother and a son have is a special bond. For a boy this is our first love. As a guy grows up in a normal family he'll have his father there to learn how to be a man as he prepares to live his own life and slowly loosen this tight bond with his mother. When he is ready, he finds a woman that he will love and bond with for life, his wife.
When Dad is absent though (or not there full-time like mine), it really messes the whole dynamic up. If I had had a big brother it might have been totally different. I did have a very close friend that was like a brother to me starting in grade school up until were married (same guy I met my W through BTW). We formed our friendship about the time my folks split-up. He was an only child needing a sibling and I needed a guy companion again so we just bonded.
He was the best man at my wedding too.
After we were married our contact with each other dwindled. Due to our distance apart and just living our lives. When his wife died (tragic... an aneurysm at age 38) it really ended our contact with one another. I had/have other friends of course but none I felt as close to as with him.
He I know has the "nice guy" problem too. He was a very late in life child, his mother was 40 when he was born. Worse his father was 60 and very ill (WW II vet with war caused health problems). His mother worked and supported the family. His dad was more like having to take care of a sick grandfather, a great man just physically unable to do normal dad stuff. His father died before he graduated college.
Just giving the background saying unfortunately my big brother figure was a "nice guy" too, so we were 2 "nice guys" reinforcing our "niceness".
The good news is that my mother was very aware that she had to be careful not to bond too tightly to me. We have even talked a lot about how dad leaving when he did would affect me, so I have always been aware of it. She always encouraged contact with my father. We did indeed spend a lot of time together on weekends and doing guy stuff: sailing, golfing, football games, etc. I guess what I missed out on was really seeing the interaction between your mom and dad as you grow up.
I'm sure my awareness of this all along (thanks to mom's talks) has helped me to not be a full-on "nice guy". I've taken the test and I fall into the midrange were I only have some "nice" traits. Still it won't hurt for me to man-up a little more. No more whining, no more pleading and have the strength and courage to walk away if W is not willing to join me in a full relationship once more.
