Waiting for the Happily Ever After Part

[mockers2]

Good morning Jackie ~

(((((Jackie)))))

Just catching up on your thread. This is a really tough part. But you are doing very well. You may not be able to see that, but we can see it for sure.



Just a few thoughts while reading your thread.....

*About you BIL's twins. You are their aunt. Try not to let yourself get caught up in thinking in terms of already being D. One of my friends here kept telling me "don't go there. You are not at that point yet. You will cross that bridge at some point if you need to." This is so hard to do - especially at first, but it is important. The whole idea of self-fulfilling prophecies and act as if. The thoughts you are having are a normal response to your H moving out, but try to minimize this type of thought pattern as much as you can. I agree with everyone else who has said that there is now way to know what will happen. I believe your H is confused and hurting, and that this is far from over. The moving out makes it seem like it's closer to being over, but that's not true in alot of cases.

* I don't think you have blown your strong image at all. It takes incredible strength to hold up under this pressure. You are human and have emotions. It is ok for your H to see this side sometimes. Just make sure he sees your "brave face" mostly. You also showed strength in your conversation with him by settling down and feeling better within the same phone call. He seemed to notice this too.

* Your idea to back off now and give him time to think is good. He has told you that this is what he needs, so give him this. Communicate as you need to, but for the most part, let him be. When the WAS gives you a clear idea of what they need, it is important to go along with it. Look at it as a gift - for the moment you know exactly what he needs, and you can give him the time and space to think. This will mean alot to him.

*Don't beat yourself up for showing emotion. Treat yourself gently.

*I know the feeling of not wanting to do anything. Try to take baby steps in this area also. The list of things to do for yourself posted above is great. Here are a few more ideas:
~go to an IMAX movie - coral reef adventure is great
~plant some bulbs in your yard
~have a cup of coffee or tea at a coffee shop
~go to the zoo
~get a pedicure (or just some special foot moisturizer - Dr. Scholl's has a great peppermint lotion that's not very much - I found it at walmart)
~make plans for yourself and for the boys. When your H has them, go out. (This is tremendously hard, but make yourself get out of the house.)
~Talk to your friends who know about this and let them know you may need to talk more/see them more/make plans with them during this adjustment time. I hesitated to do this, but this is important. It reminds you that you are loved, when it is hard to feel loved at all. One of my friends even offered for me to come and be in their spare bedroom for the afternoon/night/whatever. She said I could come there to be alone if I needed or spend time with them. (Another friend of hers had gone through something similar, and had done this.)
~Take each day on hour at a time if you need to.
~Cry when you need to. (I agree that the shower is a good place for this.)

Maybe try to do one small nice thing for yourself each day. It had gotten to the point that I wasn't even taking a bath every day - gross , but I felt that crummy. I promise you will feel a little better if you do something for Jackie. Just treat this like everything else and work on small baby steps. Give yourself some time to adjust to this new stage.

*Maybe in a few days, work on some new goals. This has helped me at every new stage in this awful, painful process. Having a "to-do " list, something concrete to work on, helps me focus on something other than the pain.


Hang in there, and know we are all pulling for you. (((((Jackie)))))