Exposing at EA

[Still Waters]

Hey, Sandi. Thanks for checking in.

I had dinner with my W this week. It started out OK with both of us just catching up with each other. Chit chat about our jobs and whatnot. I was determined to not bring up the R, even though I had emailed her about getting a legal separation earlier in the week.

She eventually brought up the separation and we talked about it in a neutral way. Just going through the terms with her getting clarification on what it all means. But after we went through everything she started crying. She said she burst into tears and was a mess all day when I sent her the separation agreement. Then she said she wanted a D (this was the first time she used the D word with me), said she didn't know if she could come back to me even though she could see that I had changed and was doing really good. She said that I was a lot stronger than her and that she didn't know if she could do this anymore. She said she wasn't running away from the marriage, and that she wasn't running into another man's arms (she still denies the EA). She said that what she was doing was like "running into an open field." As if that's supposed to make me feel better! Typical WAS/MLC stuff.

I told her that I didn't want a D, but that I wouldn't resist if that's what she wanted. But I also told her that she would have to file. I also told her that since D was on the table that she would have to file for the separation as well. I'm not going to make this easy for her, which I think is what she wants. She wants me to put the D in her lap and tell her she can run off with my blessing. Well, that's not gonna happen. If you want to throw away a 10 year relationship, you're going to have to do it yourself and have it on your conscience.

We left the restaurant together and walked together for a bit. When it came time for us to go our own ways, she stopped and clearly didn't want to say goodbye. It was like she wanted a hug or for me to say that everything was OK. But I wasn't going to go there. I just said thanks for having dinner with me, told her to have a great rest of the week, said goodbye, and went on my way.

I haven't heard from her since nor have I tried to contact her. I'm going dark and letting her come to me. Let her run into her open field.

As for GAL, I've been doing really good. Been out with friends almost every other night, keeping in shape, and working hard. I can tell that my W sees how happy I am and it drives her kind of nuts, because she looks downright miserable. Back when she first moved out she said that she was so afraid that I would fall apart after she left. Well here we are a few months later and I'm the one doing pretty darn good while she's a big 'ol mess.