Briefly and succinctly. Non-defensively. And I didn't take the bait about him having D while I work additional hours. I can't imagine the court being all that critical of my choices.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
In the past few days, I've heard from my friend who is the wife of H's pastor. She told me that H seems happy, that he seems indeed to have moved on to a different life. He has returned to weekly attendance at church, and continues to serve on a few different committees there. I mentioned the recent development with OW and D; she agreed that it was too soon, and that I should have been consulted, and that like many divorced dads he seems more than willing to ignore his child's mother.
This seems really bizarre to me; honestly, I told her about OW and D in the hopes that it would concern her enough to be addressed in the context of the church community, especially since he is in somewhat of a leadership role. However, I don't get the impression that anything will change, and that generally folks are pleased that he is happy again. NOw, I was fairly visible there, wanting to be supportive of his spiritual aspirations (yeah, right). They know me; they know D. Why is all of this okay with the community and its leadership? I mean, I'm kinda thinking that if this was going on with Jesus physically present, he might not be quite so accepting without any challenges. Sometimes I swear the whole world has gone mad.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Hypocrites! Did your friend act like their R is okay with her?
I'm sorry, Hmama. He will get his comeuppence (?) eventually.
It's not that I want revenge. Only that I have had devastating, life-altering consequences of H's choices, as has D, and he continues to move blithely through his life as if he's a hero. It only seems to confirm for him that all he is doing is just fine. And it's evil.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
H, It will be iteresting to see how the the religious community reacts when the ow breaks out in a wicca chant. Yes, it appears that they've accepted his behavior, etc., but please don't be fooled by that, i.e., appearances can be deceiving all of the way around. The people of the church may be happy to have him back and also happy to see him happy, but the gossip after the services are over, etc., still lives on. Eventually, they too, will see the light on him and his wicca queen.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It's time churches realise that it's this type of thing that keep people away. Why join a church with such hypocrisy going on? I know I wouldn't. Your H is 'happy' now while things all seem to be going his way. He feels in control. That this OW was meant to be --- after all, look how they 'found' each other again. He is in euphoriaLand right now. And, euphoria looks a lot like happy.
Wait until things don't quite go his way, and he can't blame you.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
you are right hm it is evil. He will have to answer for it eventually... but by then you will have moved on and be living the fabulous life you deserve!
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
I just don't get it either. Don't they teach the Ten Commandments in that church? Sheesh. And he wanted to be an RC priest at one time! Unbelievable.
Hmama, I know you don't want revenge. But you know how it works-- he won't become a better man until karma bites him in the arse and he has to deal with the consequences of his immoral actions. He wouldn't like it much, but it's what he needs to grow up.
Thank you, all. It is frustrating, isn't it? And you're exactly right, Andabelle, that he has not chance of restoring his integrity until he's faced with some consequences. And he does seriously need to grow up.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
New note from my lawyer--mediation is scheduled in 2 weeks, I need to get a ton of paperwork together--and come up with $400 for the mediator's fee! It might as well be $4000--I truly don't have it. I advised my lawyer of that, so we'll see what happens next.
The other thing is that I keep getting collection calls for bills that H is supposed to be paying. The latest said that if they didn't receive payment by the 17th they will take me to court.
D12 has needed glasses since the beginning of the school year. Every time I think I have a way to pay for them, there's another crisis, or we have snow days and I don't get paid. H yells at me to get another job--if I "can't support my daughter I should not have primary custody!!" Well, duh--the reason I can't support her is because the dufus took off with the pagan princess and left me so deep in debt I'll never catch up.
Things should be final in mid-April. And how odd--it will be such a relief.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
