S, If you read the threads that I suggested, you will find a lot of characteristics of the mlcer. Lying is at the top of the list. You've got to stop giving the ow all of your head space. She's not worth it. You are giving her far more credit than she deserves in your h's life.
Focus on something else and when thoughts of her come to mind, turn your focus to the rubber band on your wrist. Snap!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
