Waffles anyone?

[Ms Jen]

Gman-

I'm curious how the kids are handling all of this? If they've asked why is mommy sleeping on the couch what do you tell them? I found it hard to not be honest, and in honesty it prob cast my H in a bad light with them. Mine are teens, so they can handle it. S15 wanted to take H out he was so mad that H was doing me wrong.

It was hard for me to take care of me and not react, which takes a lot of energy, and still have emotional capacity for the kids. Since mine are older they were kinda left on their own. Except for keeping S15 and H civil, that is.

Are you doing ok with the kids?

Take care-
mommijun

[Gman3388]

Hello Jack and Mommijun!
Jack,
No she isn't making a real choice. In the discussion we had last night she still wants me to move out. Again I told her No way!
I told her it was her choice to cheat on me, her choice to cheat on us. She tried hard to manipulate me into fighting last night. Agreeing to move in such. I didn't budge. Nor will I.
I'm here because I'm standing. Being the stable one for the kids.
Being Dad and not letting her gain a foot hold on me. She finally said last night that she would take her half on the tax money and find a place for her and the kids because I wont leave.
She said I can see them anytime I want etc.
No I don't trust her and I know that (according to lawyer advice)
That neither of us can do anything until if and when we separate. Id like to think she wont be leaving here because she wont fallow through. Who knows what she will do so time will tell.
Ill contact a lawyer again on Monday to see what if.
She tired using the being married in name only crap but I told her that we were married in front of God and Family and that I don't condone her actions.
I said she is cheating on us...meaning me and the kids.
I said I continue to stand for us...this family which included her.
Got the same blank empty stare we all know very well.....
What I'm I doing Jack? Praying, living, being Dad.
And being dark.
She wont defeat me.


How are the Kids Jen?
They haven't asked why but I know they know somethings up. They are very good caring well behaved kids. They don't act out or get in much trouble beyond normal kid stuff scrapes.
I'm going to brag a little here and say that people walk up to us and comment on how well behaved the kids are.
Total strangers!
I work hard to try to keep them on a even keel.
I'm not afraid to give them a kiss and hug in public.
They are my life.
So is she, even in the "pod" state.

She knows I wont walk out on them. She wants me too because that's what her Dad did to her and her Mom.
She wants me to make the hard choice for her actions and I told her I steadfastly refuse too.

Truth is because of her work I see them more than she does.
She works nights at a bar. One week its Sunday Thu thursday
She sees them for about an hour and a half per day.
The next week she works M,Friday,Sat, Sun.
Yes she's home but spends most of the time on her computer playing games. Yes she'll check home work, occasionally cook dinner etc.
That was before the blow up tho....

Id like to think the kids are holding up. but deep down I'm sure they know something is up.
They have never really asked me why Mommy is on the couch. Honestly I'm not sure what Id say.
I don't know if they asked her or not.

[Gman3388]

Not much to report at this time.
While she spend a few hours at OM house the other night,
she was home last night and being friendly with me.
I try to stay neutral/dim but its a little tough when I'm being tickled. Yes she's cake eating... not quite sure how to deal with it other than prayers.
On another note I made a major change the other night....I shaved my mustache off.
Yeah big deal right? Well yes it was lol.
From the reaction of my kids who have never seen me without one to friends reaction...they say I look 10 years younger.
Ive always kept one because she liked it.
When I first told her she said WHHHHYYY?
I said because I wanted too.
All she could say was after that was... ok
I'm not sure if Ill grow it back but I know 2 things...
1)My upper lip is cold.
2)Soup tastes different.

[Gman3388]

Crap!
Well due to a major change in transportation I need to rely on the wife for rides to and from work.
Yes PA cops like it when your vehicle has a current PA inspection. She wasn't happy but she is helping me out.
Ive been friendly but dim.She is still cake eating.
She alternates between friendly and PO'd but I try not to let it get to me.

[Gman3388]

How Nice...
Our son isn't felling good tonight. He wants to throw up but cant right now. Might be something he ate...
But of course after work my W is "out"
No I don't know where exactly but I have a feeling........
I talked to her earlier while she was at work and mentioned it to her.
Just got a text and hour ago from her stating she is no longer at worked and asked how S10 was. I texted back and let her know the latest.
She texted back "keep me updated"
Before the alien took over she would have been home ASAP.
Now....
Yes I know what is more important to her.
I'm just venting here because I'm miffed.
*sigh*

[Punktmann]

Gman, PLS check your email!!!!!

Punkt.

[Punktmann]

Greg, I'm so sorry to hear that things have gone this way.

I know that you are in an absolute sh17-storm right now, everything must seem upside down.

You are obviously a strong man, and a better than strong dad. It's clear to all of us that you aren't the 2 weekends a month type of father, so take what I say in that light.

When things fall apart, it's time to look to what matters.

Your kids matter.

Nothing else does. NOTHING!


Right now, I want to remind you of things you already know, but that you need to keep in the forefront of your mind.

Maybe you could look at it as an affirmation of your priorities when folks outside this board question your decisions.

Protecting your children is absolutely the most important thing right now.

I'm totally not suggesting that she's a bad mom, but they are taking a back seat to the situation that her MLC alien is driving towards. Most importantly, it's common for a man to lose custody to a woman in this situation, (in America.)

Every state is different in what details matter for custody, and what form custody takes.

Anyway, a judge won't see those things that make your home better for the kids, usually they just give mom custody and dad gets the scraps, 2 weekends a month. That's not what the kids need in this situation.


So, DON'T MOVE OUT. DON'T give up on staying the base of the "family" until she leaves or files for D. DON'T leave the marriage bed.

DON'T give up until the divorce decree is signed!

After that, it's about recovery, but stay STRONG for your kids until it's over.

I know I don't have to tell you to journal EVERYTHING, and go back for the past few years and put your journals in order for the hearings.

Depending on the state, infidelity, etc. may or may not matter, but in each state, remember that you go before a single judge, an individual person. All of the MLC behavior that you have documented here and in your journals can be looked at, and while the standard for that state may be XYZ, each judge DOES have the authority to do what they think is best for the kids based on what they know. Your journals may play a big enough part to overcome the "standard."

Stay strong for your kids, you are absolutely the roots for their healthy growth.

You must weather the storm for them.

Best,

Punkt.

[Gman3388]

Hey Punk!!!!
I cant say enough how fraken(shameless BSG Reference) cool it was to talk to ya today!! I will call ya again and please if you need a friendly voice or wanna talk BSG or whatever..you know my number
To the Mods or Devs please allow PM's and email info!!!
Its one thing to read it here but its another to hear a friendly voice that knows what your going through.
We need these items back!

[Punktmann]

Gman, I can't talk right now... Sniff Sniff.... My team just got killed at the last second by the steelers.

OK, really, what a fracking awesome game, turnaround after turnaround, last minute scores, MAN what a GREAT game.

Anyway, it was great to hear from you man, and I'll definitely be around.

Esp once I get online for gaming.

Punkt.

[Gman3388]

LOL Sorry Punk!
Despite what I said about only watch the Super Bowl for the commercials, that was an Frakken awesome game!!!
HERE WE GO.....