A Cry for Help & Don't know where to go

[SRTTF]

Polly

I do want that more than anything in the world!!!!! I just found out that my H called one of our friends and the friend asked him if he was coming home and H said NOPE!. The friend said ok then I have nothing to say to you and hung up. I also heard tonight that H may have found a job until he gets called back to the RR.

I want to text him and remind him that I am here and still love him so badly but I know that would not be a good thing to do. I can't explain how badly I want to. I am looking at the phone and want to call him so bad. To not hear his voice since before Thanksgiving is killing me.

WHY WON'T GOD ANSWER MY PRAYERS. I HAVE ASKED HIM SO MANY TIMES TO PLEASE STEP IN AND HELP MY H SEE WHAT HE IS DOING IS WRONG. HELP HIM TO REALIZE THAT HE NEEDS HELP. I AM NOW PRAYING AND CRYING AND SCREAMING AT GOD FOR CHANGE. I WANT TO CRAWL IN A HOLE AND NEVER COME OUT. I USED TO BE SO HAPPY. WE USED TO BE SO HAPPY. GOD DA#* IT WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!!!!!!!! I ALWAYS FELT (H ALWAYS SAID TOO) THAT WE WERE SOUL MATES. WE WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER. UUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG I WANT TO SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, I WANT TO HIT SOMETHING, I WANT TO TAKE MY H IN MY ARMS AND TELL HIM HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM AND THAT TOGETHER WE CAN GET THROUGH EVERYTHING. OK I WOULD LIKE TO HIT HIM WITH A FEW 2X4'S TOO AND SAY WTF WAKE UP.

I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THE UPCOMING V-DAY. IT WOULD BE 7 YRS FROM THE DAY HE PROPOSED AND MY LIFE CHANGED FOREVER. I WAS THINKING ABOUT MAKING A SLIDE SHOW OF PICS TO SHOW HIM OUR LIFE TOGETHER AND ALL THE WONDERFUL TIMES WE HAD. I KNOW IT WOULDN'T BE A GOOD IDEA BUT I DON'T WANT HIM TO FORGET ABOUT ME OR HIS STEP D. IF HE IS SO DA#* HAPPY THEN WHY DOESN'T HE TALK TO EITHER OF US?????? WHY IS GOD LETTING THIS GO ON FOR SO LONG????? WHY WHY WHY WHY..................