My worst fears confirmed! Wife having EA/PA...

[Vdad]

Well I am not saying it's tit for tat or the moral equivalency although... they may be...frankly, it this were a competition, I don't see that her actions are worse than his. As far as we know, the only proof (sorry but I am a L -but a nice person!- and get bogged down in what is known vs suspected vs mere pondering...) we have of anything on her end, is short lived, immature raunchy flirting....but that's not my point. Not exactly. She believed she was in love with him. And was planning having a life with him. With our kids.

My point is that somehow I didn't get that he had had an A at at all, or that it was an "EA" long ago, as in, a "non-issue for the M" and now I see it differently...so when I read her post to the mutual friend, and she mentions the A of her h, I saw great pain in her. Definitely an unresolved issue for her at least.

25,

Thanks for all of that. Seriously I DO appreciate it. Please keep in mind that I have posted a lot through all kinds of emotions so I can't guarantee I make sense all of the time. Perhaps even contradicting myself. (wink)...

I am not minimizing my affair whats so ever. I am only saying in reference to myself not her that I have processed it all out of my system. I know she has been devastated by my EA. You are right she never saw it coming. I didn't see it coming. I should have known better than to go down that road AND I have ALWAYS guarded myself against such a thing in many different sitchs. I was VERY depressed on life issues and was seeking validation as a classic DA. I was horrible. It was horrible. It didn't destroy her but damn near close. I will always carry the burden of what I did through the rest of my life. I am not disconnected from that. I certainly did not intend to come across as indifferent to the pain I caused to her.

I defeminized her (if that's a word) I did all of the things you detailed above. My comment on divorcing her was out of line. I admit that. After rereading that I am not showing a lot of commitment to what I want.

She is an amazing woman. She is stronger than I ever knew. I don't ultimately know if she can reconnect with me. But I believe we can. What she did today was a HUGE step.

I am only seeking a opinions from the crew here to gain any insight I may not be seeing from my perspective. I can't always trust my perspective right now.

My relationship with my SD is great. She just needs time with Mom right now and I think its great. When she's ready I will "date" my daughter too! I am not leaving her behind just giving them some time and not trying to wedge in.

25 it's important to know from me I can't possibly feel worse about what I did. I own it completely and feel completely responsible for opening Pandora's Box. I have to man up and do the work and love her enough to give her the room to regain herself. I know her and she is in the process of owning her own part (that I triggered through my actions).

Thanks for the 2x4s.

Jeff