This is an extremely interesting thread with good arguments supporting both points of view. At some point I think we all have to acknowledge that the relationship is over. Maybe not beyond saving, but done in relation that there is nothing more we can achieve by any of the DB techniques. The few times my wife looked at this board she noted that trying for a few months was admirable, but beyond that was silly. When this point is achieved varies to the couple and other things. It is different for all of us and is definitely not a one shoe fits all situation. It is just a reality we need to face before we have tried for years and turn into hate filled, resentment torn monsters who can only think of the limited amount of lifetime we have spent on something that was painfully obvious to those around us. That being said, if ones spouse is making small baby steps then patience is a virtue. If it has been months or years since the last baby step...time to move on sadly.
The other nasty side is that you start dating some one. A few months later you are attached, the new women is attached, and finally the WAW realizes what she has done and wants to return. Then three people are hurt by your actions;
1) The new GF is going to be hurt by losing you if you return to your wife.
2) Your wife is going to be hurt you were with another. She will be guilt ridden because she drove you into going the route of another women. And finally she will constantly be comparing herself to the other women and be less trusting of you and the possibility of you liking the grass on the other side of the fence better.
3) You will be hurt because you hurt some one's feelings (the other woman) with intent on going back to your wife if that became a possibility.
That to me is a lose-lose-lose situation, but it all depends on the situation. I think this is a lot like playing with fire and somebody is going to get burned eventually.
Finally, if the whole thing is just a ploy to make your wife jealous....shame on you. First you are using another human being and could possibly devastate them like you have been. Second, you are intentionally hurting your wife. Maybe that is getting them to rock bottom, but there should be more respect in a marriage than that (even if it is in an affair situation that has only one sided respect). Third, what if your wife returns and you stay with the new girlfriend instead...then you have done everything against saving your marriage.
The last point I want to make is regards to legal effect of this actions. Say your wife is having an affair and your do the same after a year or so of DB'ing your b@lls off. If you hadn't dated the other woman, i am sure the court would have viewed you with more sympathy and split custody of kids or no alimony might have been in the works. But you also cheated and the court might see that negatively and the courts tend to favor the woman or mother a majority of the time. Not a risk I am willing to take. We also need to remember that there are still 7 (maybe a 11..I forgot) that recognize alienation of affection laws and criminal conversation laws. So now you opened up that can of worms if you live in one of those states.
Tread warily and cautiously on this one. I see both points of view, but we do need to live with our eyes open.
