A Cry for Help & Don't know where to go

[SRTTF]

I am really pissed that he has left me in this spot. I am in debt up to my ears. D had to drop out of dance. My home phone is turned off and my tags were due in Nov. I am doing all I can to keep my cell, electric, trash and food. I am 3 months late on rent. I haven't gotten a dime from him. The only way that I can force the issue is to file for divorce first and then ask for a temp order for support however, if I file first my chances are not good for very much. Besides, I don't want a divorce. I am really hoping that if I don't contact him then he will start to wonder what is going on. I am really hoping that he hits rock bottom soon. From what I have heard, things are starting to get a little hairy in the happy home. Either he has just started looking for a job or finally had to but some references on an application, but my brother got a call from someone for a reference for him. My brother didn't take the call and just said what in the world is he thinking? Why would he think that my brother would recommend him for anything? We think that he just started looking and that the OW (if you can call her that) has gotten on him for not working. He has just been sitting around since he moved in there 11/13. I know he is hiding his drinking and he smokes and she doesn't. I can't imagine that all is wonderful there sitting in someone else's home with only 2 bags of his own things. Everyone that he knows, knows what has happened and is no longer his friend until he gets help, his own D won't see him and she is only 15 mins away from him. D has e-mailed him 4-5 times and he hasn't responded. I told her to stop sending them. In al-anon I was told that he is probably afraid to contact us because he feels bad about what happened and isn't sure what to say or do. Then if things are not going good there he may even be having some doubts and that would also make it hard for him to contact us.

I can't lie I just wish he would call or e-mail and say "I am so sorry I was such a jerk. I have a major problem and I need help for it. I do love you and never stopped loving you. I am coming back to get myself better then once that happens maybe we could work on our marriage." Ok I know I'm dreaming but I can do that can't I?