a) My wife has left and is having some kind of affair SO...I will take a new partner of my own and that will fix our problem?
or
b) My wife has simply left and isn't interested in working on our marital problems SO...I will take a new partner of my own and that will fix our problem?
"Acting as if" is a coping mechanism FOR US, not our spouses. WE are trying to learn to be less dependent, to focus on ourselves, to NOT be caught up in their drama. It's a tough lesson to learn. So for awhile we are faking it till we make it.
And you would compare THAT to going out and involving yourself with members of the opposite sex?
For REAL?
Let's see, one is a way to retrain MYSELF to handle things in a healthy way and get my emotional legs back under myself again.
The other is but a door or two away from becoming the very thing that so many of us come here DREADING.
For me, dating another woman while I still entertained hope that my marriage would be reconciled is hypocritical. Using such a thing as a TOOL, especially since it involves other HUMAN BEINGS, is worse than hypocritical. It's unethical and immoral.
We don't solve our problems by moving in the direction of becoming the very thing that has turned our world upside down.
And I think Greek is so incredibly on the mark when she says that if you're really thinking this is a good route to go, that may well speak volumes about what might have led to some of the problems between you and your spouse.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
