Not much to add but had to make a quick post to let you know I'm thinking of you and commend you for how you're handling this. I think you're figuring out that crazy detachment stuff!! You're doing it in a very loving way and him asking you to the hospital is him pursuing you, keep it up.
Well, he left. He came home lst night with the stone look, pissed at me and wouldn't talk to me. My calm left me, I felt okay when we were talking, but the stonewalling kills me. And then to see all the suitcases being filled. I started to get so angry at the whole thing--would have broken things, but knew I'd only have to clean up the mess. After the kids were in bed, I just left the house and went and read a book at Barnes and Nobles. Won't have that option anymore as sole caretaker of the children.
S6 was sick, so me going to the hospital wasn't an option and then we found out only grandparents were able to see the babies.
So the sadness is setting in, every part of the house or item has a memory associated with it.
This morning he asked me about my weekend plans, told him didn't know. He asked about church. Told him I was thinking of changing churches, but thought that would be selfish of me, the kids like this church. He said that shouldn't be a word I use (selfish) during this whole thing. I so wanted to say, I need be aware of it as you are being selfish enough for both of us.
Can't leave the house today as s6 still sick, just don't know what I'm going to do with myself.
I really feel for you..........I so understand what you are feeling right now.
Quote: And then to see all the suitcases being filled. I started to get so angry at the whole thing--would have broken things, but knew I'd only have to clean up the mess.
This statement takes me back to July 2002, as I watched a corner in our living room slowly but surely fill up with packed boxes. Not a happy memory at all.
Quote: So the sadness is setting in, every part of the house or item has a memory associated with it.
Another statement that hits home. While part of me is sad to only have 14 more days in my house, I will be glad to finally live somewhere with no memories of my STBXW associated with it. I feel like I have lived with her ghost for the past 13 months, and I truly hope that moving will help me move forward.
The point of my post to you Jackie, isn't to offer advice. Hell, I have none to offer.
I just want you to know I understand what you are feeling, it's natural, I've been there, and I'm hoping you will feel better soon.
Quote: Can't leave the house today as s6 still sick, just don't know what I'm going to do with myself.
If you have to, just post away here all day. You've been supportive of so many here, myself included. Let us support you for a change.
Would sending this email be too b!tchy? Must I be above this:
The irony of you walking out on me today is 16 years ago you proposed to me. I wish you would have told me there was an expiration date on the rest of my life part.
Quote: The irony of you walking out on me today is 16 years ago you proposed to me. I wish you would have told me there was an expiration date on the rest of my life part.
well it brought me a laugh, because the words rang so true. but the only advice i could give is this...
I've tried (and I think succeeded) in not doing anything that my STBXW could use as justification for walking out. (Tomorrow night will be a HUGE test!!!)
It hasn't always been easy, either. I truly would REALLY like to let her know what I feel.
But, like I said, I think that would just cement in her own mind that she made the right choice. She may think that already, I don't know, but I don't want to help her out by giving her ammo.
My hope for her is to be rocking in her chair when she is 75, thinking about her past, and realizing that maybe it wasn't such a good move she made after all.
Just my opinion, but thought I would throw it out there.
Take care, Jackie. I know how tough this day is on you.
Quoting Dagny: The irony of you walking out on me today is 16 years ago you proposed to me. I wish you would have told me there was an expiration date on the rest of my life part.
Quoting kewlkitti:well it brought me a laugh, because the words rang so true. but the only advice i could give is this...
would this bring you closer to your goal?
i guess it would depend on what your goal is eh?
Can't say that any better ...
((((((((((((Jackie)))))))))))))
You're traveling in a direction where I can no longer draw on my experience for some words of wisdom ...
... but ...
Quoting Dagny: ... just don't know what I'm going to do with myself.
Quoting SteveO: If you have to, just post away here all day. You've been supportive of so many here, myself included. Let us support you for a change.
Got the day off today so I thought I'd stop by the library and check on you. Hang in there, it gets better, for example my main concern today is finding a new vacumm, w. has to figure out some things for herself. You can be thankful that your kids have a great mom.
Goals, guess I need a new set now. I think my ultimate goal for this period of time is to leave the door open and let him know he is welcome back without me leveling a bunch of guilt and "look what you put me through" type of guilt on him.
However, there is such a strong desire to let him know how dissapointed I am in him and I can think of many sarcastic statements to throw his way. So, I'll just post them here instead, as they would definetely be in contradicition to the above stated goal.
I'm not sure how to handle the next ten days. He is already very defensive when he talks to me. S6 went to the dr. He called for a report. Asked me if I needed him to take s4 tomorrow to help me out. I said, no, this is your time for yourself, you take this time. Well, he got defensive and said I care about the kids too. I can't win. He wants the kids to call him before bedtime tonight (this is very different, often he never even spoke to the kids when he is out of town), I'm thinking of just letting them talk to him and hang up without me talking. Let him go think. I printed off the articles from this board about the marriage map and the effects of divorce on children and put them in his suitcase. Don't know if it will have any effect. I don't plan on mentioning them, but I figure I have nothing to lose at this point.
Jackie..gosh, you're handling a tough sitch so well!
Quoting Dagny: Asked me if I needed him to take s4 tomorrow to help me out. I said, no, this is your time for yourself, you take this time. Well, he got defensive and said I care about the kids too. I can't win.
so...during my h's defensive mode I realized that everything sounded controlling to him...saying something like "you take the time" even though you mean it in the kindest possible way might sound that way to him....
next time, consider saying something like "hmmm...what do you think is best?" or "what would you like to do?"
May not completely avoid a confrontation but may help.
If he comes back with "I'm trying to help YOU out" say something direct "yes, then, I'd love it if you'd take ..." or "no, thanks."
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
