Itsy, Your posting didn't upset me....but....you will know when the time is right for the contact. The old saying "curiosity killed the cat" may have some meaning when we begin to "hunger" for contact and see where they are in their crisis.
Been there, done that. My xh was further along than yours and even after years on the lam, he hadn't changed much w/his pity story. The anger was gone, but the pity party continued. I had hoped he would have grown up and faced his demons. To this day, I believe he's still stuck in the "me" world and the Land of Oz continues to hold him hostage.
The only thing I would suggest is this. If you do plant contact him, just remember to accept him for who he is right now. Please understand that the man you knew is gone and may not ever be the way he was previously. Thinking back about my little curiosity venture, I have to admit I would have been better off not actually seeing and/or listening to him on his little pity pot.
Itsy, life is too short to put much stock in what they are doing or where they are at right now. I firmly believe that when the time is right, the door will open and some how, some way, the two of you will communicate once more. Until then.....continue growing and enjoying life.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
