Was that a speedbump or a milestone?

[sleeper]

Something I learned from Sunday's spewfest.

X returned again and again to the theme of how deeply she was hurt by my dysfunction. She kept saying it was 5 years (at seperation she said 4 but it has grown in her eyes to 5) but I didn't argue the point. She said she was both very deeply hurt and very angry.

This clicked in my mind as I read that anger is a response to fear, pain or disappointment. In her case she may have experienced all three.

This explains why she became angry at my 180's (too little, too late) and any attempt on my part to distance myself or allow her to experience the brunt of natural consquences for her action. In her mind I owe her for about 5 years of pain.

This knowledge has helped me to understand some of the negative dynamics over the past two years.