Waiting for the Happily Ever After Part

[mockers2]

((((Jackie))))

This is tough and very painful, but I agree with Sage that you handled yourself beautifully in your talks with H. I think you were right to let him know your feelings, and that you did it well. I also feel that things are far from over, and that there are positives in your conversation.

Hopefully the separation will give H the space he needs to think through things and get a taste of really missing you and the children. Just a couple of ideas - one that you touched on. My H rented a house with a month to month lease, so he wouldn't be tied into a lease for 6 mos. or a year. And something I thought of yesterday, but forgot to write - have you heard of retrovaille? It's a weekend an dfollow up meetings for couples who are having serious relationship issues. It was founded in the Catholic church, but isn't overtly religious in context, and is supposed to be wonderful. Right now is probably not the time to bring this up, but maybe at some point this will be a possibility for you and your H. There is a website - just search using "retrovaille" if you are interested. There are testimonials from couples who went as a last resort before a separation or D, there are some who went "just for the kids," and the results seem incredible. The principles sound similar to DR in that they discuss the stages of marriage (marriage map), common problems in communication, and the fact that M's need constant maintenance. It gave me hope just reading the website. This is something I'm hoping my H will go to, but I haven't brought it up again yet.

Give yourself some time to adjust to this new phase of this journey, and then rewrite your goals. This helped me tremendously when my H moved out. To have something concrete and specific to work on helps me stay focused. It does hurt so much, but I think there will also be a slight sense of relief from the tension and eggshells you have been feeling.


Make some plans for activities for you and the boys. Get together with your supportive friends, have them or their Dad keep the children and have time for just you, plan some new activities for you and the kids, visit family, continue to work on your personal goals. You are wonderful and so strong. This is a different part of the journey, but you can do this.

Hang in there and know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.