S&A is so spot on. My B&N didn't have NMMNG in stock, so I ordered it online and then read the website (nomoremrniceguy.com) and also lurked on their boards. It is amazing. My husband is SUCH the "nice guy" and is reading the book and is still resisting accepting the fact. Good God.
The example S&A gave about the approach to initiating? I think I'd faint if my husband ever found his raw sexuality and found the bravery to say that. It is awesome. Of course, it's all in the delivery, too. And, your wife has to have a basic attraction for you. So many factors at play, no wonder it's scary for men.
Ali: I assume what you wrote is in Passionate Marriage. The part about backing down and settling just reinforces that it's OK for them not to try... BAM! That is good. And, that's why this has to be my last time I approach this, do or die.
Cheers to Cinco finding his inner "bad guy"!!!
Lucky,
Its going to be difficult for your husband to accept that large parts of what he was taught, believed, and lived all his life, have disempowered him by disconnecting him from his masculine core and energy. Be supportive - show him the website, but remember its his life, and his choice. Only he can decide whether or not he wants to get in touch with his inner "bad guy".
You also might want to get The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida (which I read first, but should probably be read second). NMMNG strips away all "Nice Guy" behaviours, whereas Deida shows how to grow into a spiritually strong and truly loving man. Its kind of a weedkiller + fertilister thing.
And yes, you are right, it is all in the delivery (which depends on one's own confidence and mood etc), but I said something very similar to my wife recently, and... .
This is still fairly new territory for me, but even so, I simply don't see myself ever going back to my old style of "initiating". I think its all about the right combo of seduction and directness (Thanks again, DanceQueen).
S&A
"A man can be destroyed but not defeated" - from The Old Man and the Sea, by Ernest Hemingway.
Which I take to mean that every man has within him a spirit of relentlessness and optimism. Its already there; he just has to cultivate it.
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