Sue, I do keep telling myself that a sep does not have to mean the end, but if I fight it or don't attempt to understand his pain, that will be the end. The things he has said to me have been very hurtful, but don't think his ultimate goal was to cause me pain, but to be honest.
Quote:
it's great that you were able to talk with h (how do you think it went?)
He seemed receptive to what I said, but he didn't respond. I know he is agnoizing over this. He seems to have a hard time on his birthday and it brings up these thoughts. Last year I believe he didn't express his doubts until two months later, now this "m recovery" didn't work as quick as he thought it would, so I think he wants to give up, he thinks we are just post poning the inevitable.
Quote: this paragraph sound a bit more like..."this is the worst I've ever felt about me" rather than simply the m itself.
what terrifys you the most about being single?
I think you are right. I do feel lousy about me. I feel that I have failed. I feel that I am unlovable, if the one person in the world I felt I could trust and make life decisions around has deemed me to be unlovable, than what hope is there?
I guess I fear the loneliness of being single, of not having someone to share the joys and sorrows with. Of having to be alone at family type functions with the boys. I don't have a single friend who is D, everyone is a family unit. I fear not being loved.
Gosh, I do sound pathetic. I know I need to stay busy to get through this time. And I do have some of the impatience H does on this should be fixed by now.
Some days I wonder if I really do love him and then the reality of this hits and I find out what the depths of that love is, so I must be strong and do my best. Misery won't solve any of this.
