But let me catch you up. Of course she's hurt. Big time. I am not trying to minimize her pain and focus on mine. This is just a place I come to communicate as she can't do that with me right now. So it helps me stay away from R talks with her as she processes.
I know what I have done to her and I grieve about it every day. I hurt for her every day. I know I triggered it all. I own that.
When she talks about working through it I didn't even know how and I was very angry back then. I wish I had gone to counseling at the moment my A was discovered and busted. She was actually wonderful at that point. However what's done is done and now she traveled the same road and is dealing with her own fallout now.
My A was very simple. I was at an all time low in my life. I felt absolutely horrible about myself. At that point my MO was to wall up and shut everyone out, her included. Eventually I entered into the Myspace fantasyland and reconnected with my first love and one thing lead to another and it made me feel good. It is like a drug or actually is according to Puppy. It was discovered and I ended it abruptly. But I had all of the underlying stuff that was there before + coming down off of the EA. So when I should have been reconnecting I was still pushing away.
Eventually it wore what she felt down to the point she wanted out. I did the usual R talk, plead, convince, when the the situation had completetly flip flopped. In a nutshell I blew it with pressure and literally (she still made the choice) pushed her to the OM.
Her EA is now exposed and she seems to be in the early stages of moving past it. We are now having "real" convos again about us and how to think about working through our issues. This is a breakthrough. We both need space right now and since we have to be out of our home, she wants to separate to be able to process it all. I think based on the sich I need to let support her on this and begin the DB process. I don't ultimately know where this will go but I think it's what is healthy for her and I right now.
I never meant to give the impression that I am not 100% in touch with her devastation and pain. I was just putting the emails out there to gain feminine perspective.. I guess I got it.
If 2x4s are needed please whale away. I can take it.
Jeff
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
