You are confusing anger with aggression. Anger is telling you that something is wrong. It is a response to a hurt. It is part of the healing process that is described elsewhere on this site and other sites as one of the stages you go through before you hit acceptance.
To deny your anger is to deny the healing process.
Aggression is seldom very good as 25 posted. The DB coaches are correct that you don't show aggression towards W. That is "little boy" behavior. Just as important is the opposite of aggression (active), depression (passive). My post is to tell Frank and others that it is okay to use anger to get out of the passive - aggressive frame of mind.
Sort of along the lines that "I am fed up and I ain't going to take it anymore".
I second what Jack wrote above; he said it better than I.
Yes, it is semantics in a way but all we have here are words.
BND - some quotes:
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but she was also pushed into this choice
I agree with Bill, No one pushed her into anything.
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Both of them are equally to blame for the demise of the Marriage.
Agree. Trouble is the LBS often takes 100% of the blame until he or she evaluates the situation with a solid emotional base.
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And now, when she wants to try and be responsible and help out because Frank is in deep doo-doo
How can you possibly know that? If she is as weak as you say she is how can she possibly help Frank do anything when she cannot help herself?
No, I would bet money it will be Frank who gets his act together with the realizations that he has posted over this past week. He will use his anger for growth.
I just wonder how W will respond? Remember last time?
How do you constructively use anger? By being assertive with W and his girls. By refusing to be a doormat. By setting boundaries and enforcing them. By refusing to give into depression. By refusing to blame. By refusing self-pity. By refusing to be a spoiled brat. By refusing to "get even". By refusing jealousy. By walking away from arguments. By refusing to be "right". By refusing to justify. By using courage to be the leader when a leader is called for. By being pissed enough to be the rock in the storm.
That is what I am saying. Hard to do, but Frank is up to the task. He is not in deep doo-doo and needs for W to save him. He is coming out of the tunnel. If he is half the man I think he is, he will not only survive, but thrive.
