first off I will admit to not having read much of your stuff..but I did catch this last post and glanced over this thread. it seems as if h doesn't know what he wants to do... it also seems as if you don't know what to do... you did note that things seem to go best when you go about your own business and don't expect anything from him...perhaps instead of making any statement to him directly about what you want or don't want, you could simply "act as if", go about your own business..lovingly detach.
