I answered in yr thread. Forget it!. A rumour is just that,a rumour. I have heard that my W is filing for D. I don't know so am trying to ignore it. Note the 'trying' bit. Not easy, but what I can't control, I don't worry about.
Believe nothing you hear. they will speak in negatives to justify their actions in their minds and to anyone who will listen.
Believe half of what you see. They will appear happy and carefree, not true.
Going dark is very hard to do. It took me 5 months to get it right, it took 5.5 months to forgive. And trust me, you need to forgive yourself first. From feeling bad, to blaming yourself to not being able to do anything. you are a person. you are you. you did nothing to warrant their behavior. Get mad, get angry and get over those emotions now. they will eat you alive if you do not. NC is hard, it is damn hard. Get with friends, do something you always wanted to do , either with your S or by yourself. One thing, pick opne thing and do it. work at it, become the best at it.
You deserve a life, do not let them control you from outside your circle. Weren't you somebody before you were with them? co Dependency is a bitch!1 and you need to get past that. The book has some excellent things and info. the book is for you. No one wants to come back to a train wreck, and no one wants a train wreck back. You can choose to be the windshield or the bug, your call. But remember this, YOU ARE A PERSON AND YOU ARE YOU!!!
And believe it or not, finding your old self and adding some new changes and newer attitudes makes you twice as good. the goal while you are away from them is to not better yourself for them, its to better yourself for you. to make you to the type of person, you would want to be with. because once you get there, then there is no blame, the past is done. More words of wisdom given to me on this journey from Hell is this:
Live for today like tomorrow will not come... Tomorrow is promised to no one... May yesterday be damned...
everything you will do is for you. It takes a while before you learn it. I t has been brutal on me, very brutal after being with W for 31 years. She just ended it one morning after me asking her for motnhs what was the matter an hearing, "nothing, don't worry about it, its just me.." Then bam, my world came crashing down. Learn what I have learned, if and when they come back, you will be the prize not them...
Blew it day four of NC! Found out at work he had taken his ring off - he has done that before and knows I don't like it because everyone asks questions and I don't like living in a fish bowl. REad more about it in my thread.
I realized later that it probably was a test. The first thought I had was the part of DR book where she says, believe nothing you hear, and 1/2 of what you see. Calmed me down. Funny that someone quoted it here today after all. Must be reading my mind or able to know we all need to hear.
I am still very upset by the day. Probably more angry at myself for reacting - but there is more going on in my life and I don't need this from someone I am supposed to be able to depend on.
So, what do I do when he says he doesn't want to talk to me, doesn't want to work on the M, and then I get a call from the hospital ER saying he wanted them to call me, put him on the phone and he says he doesn't want to talk to me?
It is a stupid situation, and you will drive yourself nuts trying to figure it out.
I just told W she had to either end the affair or I would file divorce - she had said she was putting in for a dissolution. She emailed me back, "It's just taking time." The LAST thing I expected was for her to delay in any way!
Stop trying to understand at this point. If it ever happens where you are with a marriage counselor or something, then try to "understand".
Just read the rules above. Honestly, H might be angry because you have DONE NC for 4 days, think about that? Don't give up now! You just might have something!
P.S. Day two for me again. I did contact W because I needed someone to push my car where I got stuck! Then she started talking to me, and I simply responded nicely. I also had to ask her to get kids' pajamas as they are having pajama day at school Monday.
Lets all have a good and dark weekend. After exh's visit today I am going dark. I am not the one who initiates contact anyway, but I am not answering many of his.
I have started walking again and my challenge is to keep walking past OW's house. I have been hesitant to walk by there as I don't want to see her or especially exh there so I haven't been walking much. That ends today!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Then she started talking to me, and I simply responded nicely. I also had to ask her to get kids' pajamas as they are having pajama day at school Monday.