Well, thanks Bill. It is a tough road indeed. Funny how now i can explain all his ups and downs and his behavior during the six months before the bomb. It is scary...
H said he didnt want to come over because he is afraid he will give me and the kids the virus. He arranged to to go the doctor that's close to our house. So, I went and met him there without telling him. He seemed very happy to see me there.
People look very weak while being examined. I was looking at him looking like a kid. He has nothing serious but the fact that he is smoking so much is making things worse. While waiting he kept touching my leg and caressing me.
I asked him if he has the C's exercises done and he said yes, typed and printed. We arranged that he will come to pick me up tomorrow and we'll go together. He also said he works tomorrow and has Sunday off.
It was a pleasant interaction and he looks grateful I joined him. I couldnt help remembering that 2,5 years ago when I had found a lump and went for a mammogram he didnt come with me. He went to work and asked me to call him. He had felt the lump and I had felt it the same date his mom had felt hers 3 years before. It was a scary coincidence. I remembered waiting at the doctor's office for the results and feeling very lonely but was not mad at him because in my head I was excusing him for being weak and afraid to come with me. That night he had hugged me and I think a couple of tears were there when he told me "If something was wrong I couldn't live without you". Still, he took care of him and not me at that time. I remember my friends being shocked that he didn't come with me since he knew something was there, that it wasn't my imagination, it was a real possibility that I was sick ...
