The Jealousy Button (men only)

[Phoenixdeux]

Interesting points being raised by the discussion. Look at DB. First rule...do what works. The examples given are frequently nothing more than tricks (you be gone when he comes home). I see frequently the advice to not answer the phone or e-mail, which is essentially a ploy to give the impression that you are away doing something. You're supposed to "fake it until you can make it"; pretend you're happy. So, all this dissembling is fine, but not really dating? And, if we follow the rule to do something that works, and dating works, isn't that fair game in the DB rulebook? Just something to think about.

My thoughts:
1) I don't agree with pretending that your life is all busy and glamorous if it isn't. I don't agree with pretending you are doing something. You want your spouse back for YOU, not something you are not. Did Coach's wife come back to a make believe person and is now disappointed? I don't think so. Be happy with who you are, and if that isn't what your spouse wants, then why do you want them?

2) In a similar vein, I think that GAL should be things you want to do for yourself, without even worrying about whether you get a response of any kind from your wife. If you love woodworking, would you just ditch it if your wife showed disapproval? Get out and do stuff and if you are satisfied with the end result, then that's good enough.

2) I agree with Bill that time should be spent working on yourself. Part of this process is realizing that losing your spouse isn't the end of the world. You'll survive. I see no problem if during the time you are working to "make yourself happy for a change" if you smile at cute girls and flirt where appropriate.

3) Nowhere in this discussion did I see anyone advocating that you date in front of your kids. For one, even if divorced there is no reason to just throw the kids right into your dating life. Secondly, if visitation is being done, there should be times to go out without your kids being around or knowing about it. Third, I do think it's best to give it some time before you use dating as a tool. I think you have to be at a point in the relationship where you've accepted it's over, you aren't making progress any other way, you are comfortable with who you are and progress you've made, and you are willing to accept the possibility that someone else may take your wife's place.