The Jealousy Button (men only)

[RobD70]

Hey Coach, I really do respect your opinion and I do sometimes don’t think things through.

That is true but I think the point is to let the WAS feel what they are missing and empathize with us.

How can you make someone else feel something that will have lasting value? If you are trying to manipulate someone elses feeling to get what you want, is that a healthy relationship?

It in itself is not meant to have lasting value. It is to wake up the WAS sooner to what they are losing. In my case there’s a OM that’s more exciting than me but not a better match for her. She will choose excitement over a sure thing any day but I know that excitement will eventually fade and she may want me back giving enough time.

it sort of is trying to teach them a lesson.

Negative reinforcment. I think it also immature to treat another adult that way. She will learn her own lesson (maybe) when you make yourself the better option.

I think she knows in the back of her mind I am a better option but she can’t resist her feelings. The WAS are not rational so you can’t expect them to do the right thing. They run off pure emotions so this kind of fights fire with fire.

The sad fact is that it does work.

And if it does is that the R you want?

Not based on that no, but it turns the tables on them.

Is it wrong? Probably. In all fairness I'm not sure I can go through with it because it does weigh on my conscience but if I can plant a "seed" in my W's head that it's a possibility then maybe that's enough.

You feel it's wrong why? Does it go against your core values? Plant seeds that produce positive fruit for you.

It does. Regardless of how I come off in the forums I am the classical nice guy and sometimes a doormat. I have and continue to do things to show my W that I’m a good guy and in time it may pay off all by itself.

In my sitch I honestly don't see my W coming back anyway after leaving me 3 times for the OM. I'm not sure I really want her back anymore, that's really hard to deal with and I have to look at what and why I'm doing all of this.

Get to the bottom of that. What do you really want? Five years from now what does Rob plan on being?

I don’t know what I really want yet but I am a better person now and any R I have in the future should be 100x better from what I have learned.

You have giving me pause about this and I’m a bit conflicted. This does go against my character and who knows, my W may have a change of heart in a couple of months or so and decide to come back again, or file for a D tomorrow.
On the other hand, most WAS don’t tend to come back until they feel they are losing you and have moved on which means finding an OP. This would eventually happen anyway down the road as I start to lose patients and if the W decided she was finally through and filed and ended up marrying the OM (he wants to marry her ASAP). I’m on the fence now, I may just play it by ear or at least think on it more. This isn’t my style but it was fun thinking about it. There are people that not only claim this works but that it’s one of the only ways to get them back in some cases.