The Jealousy Button (men only)

[Bworl]

I love that this thread refers to dating a woman as a "tool."

How lovely it must be to eventually find out that a man took me out for a relaxing, social evening, hoping to get his wife jealous enough that she would begin looking back in his direction.

If you have kids, and your wife has involved herself with another man, I bet you could get pretty steamed about the prospect of your kids being with the two of them together. I'll bet you could get steamed just thinking about your kids KNOWING about the two of them.

So we should go out and do the same thing?

Well, whatever floats your boat. These are just questions that run through MY head. Doesn't mean they are in any way right, just that they are mine.

To me, the two major problems associated with the idea of dating are the following:

1. If our marriage went in the crapper, we are insanely delusional if we don't think WE had something to do with it. One of the major premises of DB'ing is to focus our efforts on ourselves. Take a good long, honest look at ourselves and see if there aren't some significant things that need fixed/changed.

It's also one of the hardest things to get new people here to do. Everyone points the finger at the spouse who walked away and makes that spouse the one and only bad guy. We instantly dismiss any of their complaints because they have committed the cardinal sin of breaking their marital vows by wanting to leave the marriage.

The truth is that broken marriages are almost always a TWO-PARTY issue. Almost always. One of the best things we can do for ourselves and our future relationships, no matter who they are with, is to truly take the time to self-assess and better ourselves. Too many people are satisfied with losing the "Crisis 25-30-40" pounds and call that improving themselves.

2. This art of deception through dating impacts not only us. It impacts our friends, our family, our kids if we have them, and it certainly impacts the one we date with. It also puts us in the same boat as our spouse. What's good for the goose is NOT good for the gander.

Now both of you have other person issues to work through should a reconciliation occur. That makes the piecing process even more challenging.


Is there a time and place for dating? I'm sure that there is. None of us should be doomed to life alone if we would prefer the company of another. But there is a TIME for it. And I don't think rushing in to this kind of approach is anywhere in the top 10 list of things you should first be doing when your spouse decides they want to leave.


Just my opinion.


Blessings,

Bill