yes I think I get it fine. You know how literal I get with wording. And I do hope you get the value of my playing "L" and taking the WAS's position sometimes b/c usually it's enlightening even when not "right". Once when I told mc I felt I had to stay at home more, b/c h's job made him increasingly AWOL from kids/home and me.
Later I heard h say to mc, (not knowing my view) that HE felt he "HAD to work MORE" b/c I was staying at home with the kids (h's words were "not working anymore")...so okay, um, chicken or the egg right?
Hindsight shows he probably had a point. We both did. And I can wax on about how superior my motives were, blah blah blah. But what counted wasn't who was exactly accurate, but that we actually viewed the same events from a totally different perspective and there was at least SOME truth/validity to his views and mine. Kind of scary. Not quite the same as a self serving recollection of an A, but the point is still there. Make sense?
Besides, where are we ever going to get our M's (or R"s w/ kids) if we- cannot put ourselves in their shoes? Hard to do sometimes...
And when we are hurt or left behind, well..."it sure don't feel like a time when ah give a sh-- bout what HE's been thru iffen you know wat i mean"...
Oh how I hate memories of the times I spent going around & around the loop in my brain about what h was doing, the extreme injustice of it, the why why why??? not just why me? But why period? Why miss out on the girls lives? Why miss every "Back To School" Night? Never could get it, and never will. You know what? I ACCEPT THAT NOW, or at least I'm getting there. I mean, I "get" that I probably won't ever "get" what he was doing/thinking. He loves the kids and has deep regrets but is averse as hell to talk about those regrets. So, it's all about 'what now?" Besides, the energy used looping around, took away from my d's time, and my "me" time, and moving forward...
I do miss him. He's coming back in 2 weeks and it'll be good to have him around with some consistency to get used to each other again. (Crossing fingers about his mom's PET Scan for cancer return...)
In the Navy the guys who go out for long times in subs, are de-briefed when they return to home port. They're told to "ease back into the family" and not give orders or take charge of anything for WEEKS (depending on how long gone) and try to wait until invited to do so, or at least wait or some time. The guys who followed that advice, and treasured their wive's contributions--holding the fort down while he was gone, child care, managing more or less fine without them, (though missing them!) those M's made it through alright. It's surprising when you consider their lifestyles but a lot of them make it work well. Guess it'd be nice if WAS's got the debriefing too.
Well, I've had a long day...so I gotta go check on one other thread and sleep...
night frank and try to have a good one. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
