Trying to let go........with love!

[Silent Chrleader]

..... But he still can't totally let you go. IMHO that just shows me there is still hope.

Hey, [[[[[S.T.]]]]]!!

I would sure like to believe this is the case!!! However, I am also trying to keep no expectations.

Also, sandycay is right that I do make it easy for H to cake eat sometimes. Case in point, I switched cars today, so I can take the truck up to the dream house so I can take the old couch up there for H. I also checked the bank account and transfered some money, even though H is supposed to be handling this stuff now. I know he needs to handle all the fallout for his choice and that is what I have been allowing him to do, but I've started getting notices of missed payments because he has so much on his plate (in taking the new job and hiring for his replacement while doing both jobs....). I am trying to be helpful, because we both suffer when the financial situation goes south.......but, I called H several times today, all regarding finances, and S17's schooling, and the house.....and H didn't return one call. Of course I didn't ask him to, and I gave him the info in the voice mail, so he really didn't need to, but it's still a little irksome.

S17 and I had really good sessions with C and had some really open conversations in the car while running around. S17 really talked about a lot of things I hadn't known about. The most concerning thing was that the OW apparently bad mouthed me to H in S17's and my D24's presence. No this REALLY pisses me off!! Never mind that she slept with my H (and S17 says that in H's drunken confession, H made it clear that she was the instigator). H is an adult and responsible for his own behavior, I don't care if she stripped and threw her self at him, he is responsible!! But to say stuff in front of my children!!!! That is so not appropriate!! Today, I saw her for the complete homewrecking slut she is!!! If I ever see her, I have no idea what I will do. I had thought that I would just likely walk away, but she tried to come between me and my kids!!! I would so like to confront her for the completely unredeemable morally bankrupt b**ch she is!!! But, I know that would only bring me down to her level. It still burns me up though.

I thought about confronting H on this, but it wouldn't do any good. It's just so galling sometimes to take the high road and feel like I get nothing for it!! I take solace in the fact that both my children love me and want me in their lives and support me. My H can't say the same. And yet I don't feel satisfaction from that. I feel concern and sadness for my H for his pain. Sometimes I really feel like I am just being pathetic.

BUT, I am so looking forward to this weekend! Tomorrow, S17, his friend, my brother and step brother and 10 year old neice and I are going up to the dream house to play in the snow!! I'm so glad everybody could go! It should be a real blast!!!

And I'm evil enough to have a little hope that H thinks about the fun we are having and wishes he were with us!.......but, I'm not betting on it....