bridge, I don't know how you stick in there. My guess is fear. But I don't know.
I'd taken a break from these boards and in the last few days I've been checking again and there's so much, so much going on. Pain, disillusionment, anger, fear. The easy answer is to drop it and move on. Why stay?
But life isn't that easy. Life is a commitment, and it's picking yourself up after every fall and dusting yourself off and saying, "that sucked but I'll be okay and I'll move on and be a better person from the experience." Life is an experience of constantly learning.
So I admire you for sticking with it despite the problems. Maybe you're doing so out of fear, or self-doubt, or whatever. But the reality is, you're honoring a commitment you made. You're honoring it until you're absolutely sure there's no way possible it can be held.
You may be a WAW, but you aren't walking away. I admire and respect that. I hope you find the happiness you so deserve. And if I ever meet your H on a street, I'm gonna knock the friggin' wisdom of these boards into his thick skull!
