WP- Try to keep your chin up. You know this is an up and down rollercoaster ride. It is, by far, one of the hardest things we will ever have to deal with. There is bad days but there are also good ones. Try to think positive. Keep yourself busy doing something. Anything. Hang in there:)
I am very down today. I feel a deep sense of loss and hopelessness. I really miss my wife and I can't stop reminiscing over old times. I feel so empty and lost in all of this, and what hurts even more is that I don't see the same sense of loss or pain in her. I guess it makes sense, afterall this is what she wants. I just don't know what to do or where I see my life going. I really miss our life together and I want it back more than anything, but I don't see that happening, at least not any time soon. I'm just feeling very down today.
WP
WP,
Your wife may yet have these days. She's just not going to have them at the same time you do. Hers may be MONTHS (sometimes even years) down the road.
Sorry your having a bad day. I'm not going to tell you not to think about the past because I don't think that is posiable for us. I just hope that tomorrow will be better for you.
((((WP))))
H-41 (alcoholic) Me-38 D-13 SD-10 T-6yrs M-4.75yrs Bomb-10/4/08 Moved in w/OW 11-13-08
Thank you all for the encouragement. My problem, I think, is the constant interaction with my W. She still lives in the house, but we're just there as room mates, and that is what's killing me. I liken it to losing a loved one and then having to attend their wake every single day for months. There's no closure. My wounds keep getting reopened. I know that DBing says that time spent together is important and that it is easier to reconcile when the spouse lives in the house, but I just don't see that happening. I see my W just being comfortable and happy with the newly limited relationship we have which is just one of freindly people sharing a space. I feel like if she's not interested in the marriage then she just needs to get going. Should I tell her how I feel? I just don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I need healing.
I feel like if she's not interested in the marriage then she just needs to get going. Should I tell her how I feel? I just don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I need healing.
That's why I think GALing is often for yourself to help get thru what is a very painful time. Try to GAL as much as possible, do fun stuff, sign up for a class, start cooking, try a new hobby or sport, etc.
I would not recommend talking about feelings. I think when a WAS is like ours and in that kind of mindset when you talk they hear: blah blah blah nag nag blah blah blah or something like that. I'm sure Puppy will help you figure out a plan in future, but you're very early in the process, and I think need to be more patient and focus on GALing.
You said yesterday (I think it was) you're bothered by the fact that your W doesn't seem to be feeling consequences or emotions. I do think they are on a different time-table than us, but at some point if not sociopathic, will encounter reality and consequences and all that. My H is having an A with a woman already married 3 times and cheated on her 3rd with my H. I predict in 5 to 8 years if not before (judging on her past marriages) she'll dump him too, and if not by then, I should think he'll encounter some regrets at that point for breaking up his family for her. My H although 100% determined to divorce has shown a few cracks very occasionally, but I think when they are doing the kind of stuff they are like breaking up a family they are more pressured to seem happy or whatever. Maybe harder for them to face that they've just jumped out of one frying pan into an even worse frying pan which i think they do... But again that's focusing on your WAS, and you need to focus on you.
I want to say thanks for checking in on my thread--I really appreciate your advice. I'm obviously not doing so well with GAL, or maybe it's just that the GAL is not filling the hole in my heart--IDK. Anyhow, I'm going over my friends house tonight to have dinner with him and his wife, and I'm spending the night there, so that's one thing I'm doing. I'm also going to try real hard not to go home early on Saturday. That will be the real challenge.
I'm sure you're right about our spouses, especially about having to keep up a happy image. We may never know, and as you say, I need to focus less on her and more on me.
I'm so sorry that you are struggling right now. I know how hard that can be. I wish I had a magic wand and could help you feel better. Just keep your head up and work on you. She will regret her decision, but only if she sees what she is missing. You are a good man who loves his wife. Make her jealous, make her see that good desirable man.
Thanks for checking in. I stayed out of work yesterday and had a pity party. I don't know why I'm having a more difficult time than usual lately, but for the past week or so I have been extremely down. It's like I'm right back to where I was when she first dropped the bomb. I guess a big part of my problem is the guilt I feel for the way I reacted to her. When I heard her on the phone w/OM I called her a wh*re and other very awful words while I had my mom on the phone listening to me. I really regret doing that, and now my W says that because of that she really can't ever imagine us being married again. I was very hurt and angry that night and all I could think to do was lash out at her. I really do regret that. On the flip side, my W had been saying for months that we're over, long before I reacted so badly to her, so how can this one night, as horrible as it was, be blamed for her decision to end things? IDK, it's like she's just playing mind games with me. I'm beginning to think that I'm the one in the fog...
I really regret doing that, and now my W says that because of that she really can't ever imagine us being married again. I was very hurt and angry that night and all I could think to do was lash out at her. I really do regret that. On the flip side, my W had been saying for months that we're over, long before I reacted so badly to her, so how can this one night, as horrible as it was, be blamed for her decision to end things?
SCRIPT. This happens 90%+ of the time -- easily. Retroactive righteous indignation. it's B.S.
