Ms Ladybug is MOVING OUT.

[ms ladybug]

I spoke with my mom this morning, and she told me that h went in to see her yesterday (she's a NP, and he hurt his hand). She said they talked for about 45 min, and he really wants to move to Santa Maria where his best friend just moved. (I know he had applied at the PD there, but had to turn them down telling them that he hoped they would consider him at a later date.) Apparently, the chief told h's friend that if h wants the job, he needs to take it because they are doing a hiring freeze soon.

THAT is why h is pushing me to refi, and wanting me to do it within the next couple days!!

Then he tells my mom that he feels like he "deserves this" because he has been unselfish for the past 8 yrs, putting his marriage and kids before everything else, that now should be HIS turn.
I'm sorry...now is the time for him to be "selfish"?? His kids are 2 and 5!! Do you really think NOW is a good time for selfishness?? IF he moves, he will quite likely NOT see the kids often. He mentioned way back that if he moves, he would see them every other weekend. Let's think realisticlly. A newly hired police officer is going to have weekends off?? Not likely! It's not possible for him to get them DURING the week...so when exactly is he going to see them??

He goes from wanting 40% custody...finding out that the job in SM may not stay open...to wanting NO custody!? To take a job!?

Because he's been unselfish for 8yrs?

I love my mom and she basically told him that it's often really hard to make sacrifices for your children, and sometimes it means passing up really good opportunities. And since he's been unselfish for 8 years, he has the chance now to continue to be unselfish. I doubt he heard her honestly.

This isn't about me. Although, in their conversation he did try to start naming all my faults. My mom cut him off and said, "you can't go there with me."
This is really about the kids. And the relationship that they will/will not have with their dad. I can't imagine it. Even though he may not see them often as it is, he is still able to make it to every parent/teacher meeting, games, Christmas programs, etc...He is able to be there when they want to see him. He is able to be a part of them, because he's a couple miles away. Does he not see what he will miss out on?

I'm not going to be the one to convince him, and I won't even try. I'm feeling...indifferent today. Which is a nice relief from the grief I've been in all month. Is this detatching? It seems very business like at this point.
Perhaps this is what I needed. For him to really lay out his goals to my mom, and to see where the kids fit into his priorities. I don't know this man, and I don't like him.