The Jealousy Button (men only)

[mulesqb]

Interesting topic here. The one thing I will add is the impact a few dates have on your detachment. For me personally, this was huge. Made me see that there is life after all this stuff. My W beat down my self esteem by what she said to my kids about me - never to my face. A few dates fixed that for me.

In fact - Phoenix gave me the "rose colored glasses" speech at least twice LOL (and word-for-word I might add!). It is true. But to play devil's advocate - here is what I faced after a few dates: tremendous guilt. Not towards my W. Towards my kids. A great friend here (in fact a couple of them) asked me how I would feel right now if my kids saw me on a date. That hurt. Because I wouldn't like it. So there is a lot to consider. And you have to be careful about clouding your judgment. You have to decide personally what these dates are for. And we haven't even mentioned the person you would be dating. Are you completely honest with her about your sitch?? How fair is it to them if the only thing you want from them is to make your WAW jealous. Kind of a lousy place to be. The interesting thing I found was that the two women I went out with kept bringing up my sitch. I was 1000% honest about it but figured they wouldn't want to hear my problems. The opposite was true. They kept asking.

Don't get me wrong- it definitely helped me. I have no clue if my W knows about them.

I don't doubt the use of this "tool". But if you have children there are more feelings to consider than just you and your W. Tough call - you walk a fine line in terms of strength and honor. And I'm not judging anyone here in the least. I think everyone here that I know has put up with some unbelievable BS in this process and would be perfectly justified in dating. Heck my W's family and my family therapist told me to start dating. But you also have to be very careful.

Great topic Gooch!