WP, I'm not in your situation...since B and I just don't talk at all and I don't reach out to her in any way...my approach to her and, well, to everything else in my life now is not to cling - not to attach myself - but rather to maintain a sense of freedom - and an awareness that my happiness depends on me first. For me to be there for my sons I must first be there as a complete person within myself - and I was not able to do that while still attached to B. When we attach ourselves to another person - we empower that person at the expense of ourselves - that's just not healthy - doing so leads to expectations - and expectations lead to disappointment - and disappointment foments resentment - and resentment manifests itself as blame - and blame obscures our perspectives of ourselves...
In other words...you seem to be in a very different place than I. I'm not reaching out to B at all - and have quite simply let her go entirely - in letting go I've gained many insights into myself - and have also realized that there are some profound things I have to address in myself - things that have nothing to do with her at all - and these are issues that have been with me for a long time, and neglected or ignored for too many years.
In sense, then, I'm suggesting that you put your focus back onto you - do what you have to do for you to be happy - without thoughts of your W - but with considerations - real considerations for yourself...I don't think two people can get to know each other in any real sense if they don't first get to know themselves first...in that regard, B is quite a stranger to me....and, I believe, to herself as well.
