First, Puppy, great advice. God knows how much I need some of your advice as well. The whole thing is so hard. I am trying so hard not to be a doormat for H anymore but it isn't easy. I find myself second guessing everything I do and I hate it. Like today I called H, we've been pretty distant lately, and I missed him so I called. Then I thought oh no I called him 2 days ago as well, but didn't call at all last week :). But he was happy to hear from me and we had a good conversation, very friendly. I had pretty much stopped DB thinking that I want to just end the M, and started back fighting with H but I think I will start again by not pursuing but just being friendly to him. Hard at times when I want to just knock him over the head and to talk about the nonesense he's doing. But I know I shouldn't, even though I relapse and do at times. Anyhow, just wanted to say that Puppy I will need your advice as I try to set boundaries myself. I liked that analogy of training a dog.
Pooh, believe me when I say that I know my advice is easier said than done. Sometimes we know what we need to do but putting it into practice is so hard. I'm also working on not asking H any questions about OW as well. OW also has a H but they are separated too which I'm sure must be b/c of the A, and I sometimes so want to know why her H left but I haven't asked. I think when H and i lived together I asked all the time about her, but since he left I haven't asked crap about her. Good. But it was in hindsight that I realized that by H and I talking about OW, it was like we are all one happy family. So, I don't want to do that anymore, its so tempting though isn't it. Now I've been trying to just ask H about his son to show concern for him, but I noticed he doesn't want to talk about him much with me. Should I stop asking about him too?
So going back to setting boundaries, I'm going to work on setting some boundaries as well too. First thing is that I think I don't want to have sex with H again while he's out there. I know this is a personal decision not necessarily for you and I know its a hard decision for me b/c H and I had a good sex life. But I think, no I KNOW, I need to break the triangle and if I continue partaking, then it will continue, right? As you can tell I'm trying to convince myself too. Please pray that I stick to this. I can be such a sucker for my H and I know that has helped to carry on his A. In any event, I'm telling you this so that you know that I'm also working on setting boundaries on my end, and I know it is hard. But I do think our H has lost respect for us b/c we haven't set the boundaries. We've gone along with their program. So good luck and be strong. I'm here working at it with you.
