The Unfaithful Wife - That's Still Me #3

[25yearsmlc]

Mel,

there's a great book on Boundaries somewhere out there that I've heard great things about. You probably should read it b/c you don't seem to know where you end and others begin. It's a life long pattern so it'll take time to change it, but you've identified it and notably, you realize it is not making you happy. It's hindering your own happiness and growth as a person. So yeah, get some boundaries and enforce them b/c they're healthy and you have to teach your d that, and s13 too. They'll be exposed to your h so much, with his naricisstic tendencies and manipulative crap, they'll have the same problem you do.

Won't it be great if you can model for them what it's like to set firm, healthy and LOVING boundaries? You know, you're their only chance of seeing healthy boundaries...You know what those are? Boundaries where everyone is responsible for their own choices and behaviors, and no one blames others for them? Boundaries that you reflect when you refuse to accept someone else's problems as your own THAT kind of boundary...and where you don't shoulder other's burdens, let alone b/c it's assumed you will just because (unless you choose to out of love and empathy and I'm referring there, to helping someone who is sick, or needy and deserving...not your h and his "roommate"...)

and btw, if he and "ow" or "roomie w" aren't in some type of A...what's up with introducing her to family? And ignoring you and d4 at the store, showing that you are lower on the totem pole than she is? If she's a "friend" only, why on earth wouldn't he drop everything to join you in the store and help, even if he brought his "friend" with him, why remain separated in the store b/c YOU are his w and she is your daughter... regardless of R status, that is still true.

I don't know about a PA or whatever...I just know if you had a man living in the same house and went out in public with him, and then saw your h with d4 in public, and barely spoke but stayed "shopping" with the OP....ummm, your h would blow a gasket. Period. As for the counselling, I still don't get it exactly. He wants to go, but does not want to be married. Says he wants to be friends but isn't clear about what that means..Does he mean "w/ benefits"? Or just to rub things in your face? Or is he that clueless that he thinks everyone should be just fine with whatever he does, with whomever, b/c hey......(drum roll) YOU HAD THE A!!! (He should write a song with that refrain every time he gets mad, which is often....but can he sing?)

That's alls I got for now...
j-