GFI, Hmmm I guess you were right about bluff calling. H sent an email last night I just read (my desktop PC quit and my little pink Asus is driving me nuts) saying the following :"so, if I dont call, none of you, none, will call me, great!!!".
I guess he was checking and I just realised he didnt talk to the kids either yesterday. But the kids dont feel he is part of their life everyday. As my Son says "Saturday is the day I love because dad has time for us". It is sad but it is whatit is. I guess his life has a cost associated. And if he cant see it then who am I to speak out. As I was told, I can only control me and myself. He is free and has the right to make his own choices. K
Well.. thats kind of wierd for a grown man to 'test' his own W and kids, hahaha!
I know you say, you can only control yourself and you are supposed to be selfish, as the C says.. but what about communication at least? And honest communication? He has been honest here (sort of!) in his email... how will you reply to that? Will you tell him you wished he had called? That you didnt care if he did or not? I can see its a good plan to DO what you want, but what did the C say about talking to one another at least, keeping the lines of communication open?
You are only a few days in and already misunderstandings are occurring and assumptions being made on both sides.. that just seems like it would add to the confusion and resentments you may be harbouring on both sides and I cant see how thats going to help! But at least you feel 'off the hook' and free to make yourself happy now instead of doing things for the R?
Sorry I missed you last night! I had more snippets, nothing major. xxxx
Al, no resentment here. No expectations, no resentment. He called just now and told me he arranged the next session for Sat morning.I was friendly and open and honest. I dont see the point to hurt him by saying I dont feel like calling him cause I dont get anything from our communication. That would be honest but wouldn't help our goal, would it? I am not distant, I am not mean, I am not moody. I am light and do my own thing.
I do plan however to tell the Cs that they way I see their suggestion it will not help us "connect" but until they explain what they meant, I am not assuming. K
No problem about last night, I went to bed early...
Right when I think I have gotten a grip of all this, my mood changes and my mind strays. And I dont mean that it necessarily strays to "somewhere", but my future "snapshots" dont include H. I am making my finance plan (yeah right!) and he (or better said his income) is not included, I am thinking about summer vacation (I'll go camping I think) and he is not "there", I am thinking of taking my son to NY to the Museum of National History and it's just me and my kids... (Btw, my S announced he is leaving our home when he becomes 18 and moves to...Montana, USA. He said he "has information " that that is where all the dinosaure skeletons are -he used the scientific words that I dont know in English- and he is planning to move there to discover some. I told him that sounds like a good plan and maybe I would join him to cook for the scientists involved. He said he would rather be alone there, too much dust for me).
So, days are passing by and I think this "dragging of our feet" does not do us any good. I love my H. I know because I dont want to hurt him, I adore my kids and they deserve to have a family, but I dont know if I can bring that loving feeling back. No matter what I've tried it hasnt worked so far. I think we have this unique sitch where we cant see each other at all during the week (both Cs said we shouldnt move in together yet) but as long as we dont, we have no time together. It's like we are both trying to "connect" with each other telepathetically and once we get to the "next level" we may decide to make it physical too... Guess what? It isnt working. I have so many question for the C this week. I am noting everything down. K
I feel much better at work and people are noticing. I feel I am going back to my old pre-bomb self and my finance plan says I will be fine by September unless I decide to do something crazy by then...
but I dont know if I can bring that loving feeling back. No matter what I've tried it hasnt worked so far.
Hey k, Maybe the Cs want you guys to take care of yourselves and not force the issue because love between a couple should come effortlessly. We need to work on the relationship per se but the "loving feeling" probably should be effortless.
Hi Maria (((()))) Wherever you are going will be the same as you had in your mind a while ago I think / feel. You just took a detour to sit and ponder, gather strength and consult the map! (gosh I am beginning to sound like Forrest) Hope you understand what I mean. I still think it has to do with the "settling" discussion a while ago. Some will, some just can't. No right ,no wrong. It is just a case of being true to who we know we are and not being who others think we should be. I have confidence that you will be just fine.
naej I thought you'd given up on me, disappointed by my choices...
Well, it's not that simple. It's a fine line between settling and compromising and I am not 25-30 anymore to go and act on insticts and impulse. With 2 small kids I cant just do as I please. And I dont care what the C says, ask any mother here and they will tell you the same.
I have faith things will get clear. I would like to go back to IC too. I cant afford it right now and it seems there isnt a way to do it. If I could just start painting... K
It's not just the mothers..it's any parent who wants to keep things together. I was prepared to take alot of crap in order to not hurt D8. Would it have lasted? I am not sure.
I hear you on the settling and compromising issues. I am sure that the majority of married couples compromise and maybe even settle.
