Did she cheat or just dirty text messages?

[1hope]

Jon,
Sandi has given you some very good advice. Please take it to heart and try to stop making things harder on yourself.

From my own point of view and experience I would say that frequently a S that is carrying guilt (like I believe your W is) will use or create any situation to feel something other than their self inflicted pain. Sort of...yes, what she did was wrong and she feels very bad about it, but she can also now "turn the tables" on you (because you called her a bad name) so that the issue is no longer all about her.

When partners are locked in this type of emotional upheaval, many things get said, and actions are taken that you normally would not do. Sandi is telling you to give yourself a break, and that is probably the best advice that you have been given. However you need to step out of the situation, do it now, for a bit. Let the waters get calm.

I also want to remind you to go easy on yourself. Yes, you called your W a bad name. It happends. My H and I had some nasty fights this past year and he was the one that had the A. His need to stop feeling his pain often caused him to pick and push my buttons until I would lose control and explode. Then things were "my fault."

Things are much better now, but first we had to get to a place where each of us could be calm, even if not at the same time. I took several long weekend trips out of town with family and friends, and it helped.

Hope that some of this will help you. You are doing the best that you can.

Sending you hugs.