You do the same thing I do.......you keep studying and analyzing and looking for that one thing you can say that will click in his warped mind and make him wake up as if from a trance and say "OMG, what was I thinking? Oh, my darling, I'm so very sorry!! Please forgive me and allow me the great honor of kissing your a** for the rest of my days!!!"
Of course, this is probably not going to happen (although it makes for a great fantasy).
Whenever I have had challenges in my life, I have always been agressive in trying to learn all I can about a given subject by reading, and studying, and being proactive. This has always helped me feel more in control of my destiny. But I am coming to see that this is the one area where that approach doesn't work.......or maybe it has worked in a way, because this time I found MWD's books (and others) which have helped me learn what I need to do......or rather, not do.
It's so very hard to love unconditionally by stepping back and letting go of the one we love. Letting go of our coping mechanisms feels like we are giving up control or our destiny and that is a terrifying concept to us especially right now!
Yet, realizing that any control we might have over our loved ones is an illusion at best, and it is only in realizing and accepting this fact that we come to see that only in letting go of control of them, do we really finally gain control of ourselves! Each moment that we spend in dwelling on what they've done, why they did it, etc...is another moment of our lives wasted that we won't get back.
Each moment of life is precious, and beautiful, and your H is missing many of those moments, like the ones with your D and her upcoming engagement! One day, he will see what he missed, I think.....but even if he doesn't, don't allow worry over him in any way, taint the memories you are creating each day now! Don't give him that power any more!
Each day we must choose to be happy! In that way, we take back our power and truly gain at least a little control of our destiny.
You are right, Treese, when you say you have grown a lot over the past year. I've seen it and have admired you so much!!! I know I've grown too. We are MUCH stronger, confident, capable women today than we ever were a year ago! That is a wonderful thing! And, given that truth, it only stands to reason that our next relationship in the future (whether with H or someone else) will be better, richer, deeper and more fulfilling because of that. That is a beautiful thing to contemplate and look forward to.
So, let's greet our future together, my friend, with excitement and joy for the gift it is!
[[[[[[[[[[BIG HUGS]]]]]]]]]]
Last edited by Silent Chrleader; 01/29/0901:07 PM.
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd