The sad part is that D7 hears a lot of the "I love you's" between them 2 when she is with H. She asks him every now and then if they are getting married which he replies "no". She tells me that it is not right for daddy to be seeing OW when we are still married and so is OW. I just tell her "I know".
This whole mess just eats me up.
Then re-establish some boundaries. It's not too late. Start with just ONE THING, and build from there. ILYs in front of your daughter are wrong -- period. And the next time he talks about OW directly to you, cut him off and say "I no longer want to hear about her -- it's disrespectful, please stop."
Very direct, simple statements. BE CONSISTENT.
The deceit part is trickier. You have to be VERY specific, as SOON as he does it, and call him on it. "We both know what you JUST said isn't true. Please stop lying to me." LOOK HIM IN THE EYE WHEN YOU SAY the "WE BOTH KNOW" PART. He'll then ask you HOW you know, and tell him "I'm not going to tell you that. What I AM asking you is to please stop lying to me about this."
Think of a dog you're paper-training -- you have to do it IMMEDIATELY. I'm sorry for the analogy, but it works.
You are allowing yourself to see and hear things that aren't healthy for you, in my opinion. Every time it happens, you lose more self-respect, and he loses more respect (and attraction) for you.
