I enjoy learning more about relationships through being with my roommate, V. I am learning what to identify and respect within myself and also how to identify and respect what's important to A's indentity.
I also enjoy making my goals for myself and for our R.
I am very grateful for V and his support of who I am and my decision regarding A. V encourages me to talk to A about my regarding my 'fantasy talk' (short and sweet), but he agrees that 'if or when' it is done, it shouldn't take place until I am ready.
I am very grateful for my friendship with E and her husband, C, for the love and support and encouragement.
I am very happy that I am almost out of the funk I was in all of last week. I don't think I will be out of it totally until I get the next call from A...but I expect it. That's a good thing.
I am making a list of goals, some attainable and some idealistic. I enjoy making it. The purpose is to build a strong identity. I'm feeling good about it.
I'm trying all of my techniques to 'feel' positive. I'm doing pretty well, but every so often, I think back to last week. I ask myself why he introduced the young boy as his son. I remember how he hugged him. A usually doesn't get too close to kids. It makes me wonder what happened in a week that I didn't see A. I hate not knowing what is going on. Even though my friends, E and C, try to reassure me, my mind still travels to scarey places.
As the two week date approaches, I'm beginning to get that terribe, negative feeling again. What if he doesn't call? What if my feelings are true? What do I do after Monday? I hate when I feel like that.
I know that I have to wait. Three more days left. I hate feeling like I'm waiting. I still lack energy. I still have to push myself to get out of the door to do something fun or to exercise or to be creative. As my friend tells me, I'm quiet.
I really want to take this time to get in shape, but I have to be able to afford it. Since the 'd', I have gained 15 - 20 lbs. I'd be happy to take ten lbs. off.
This is what I want to concentrate on ... not sorry me.
Hi L . . . I hope you read this letter soon . . . need your advice.
Newest revision:
Dear A,
How do I say this in a few words?
What I believe in 'now' more than ever is 'actions speak louder than words', but how do I ‘show’ you that having a relationship with me does not mean 'all or nothing'?
What I prefer to do is to enjoy your company--laugh, have fun, experience, encourage ... whatever ...
Quite frankly, A, I miss your companionship ... I simply 'like' you. You're a good guy, your funny, talented, and thoughtful. I appreciate you...what's more, I think you might find comfort and joy in my company, too, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t find our strength and inspiration independently. It isn't ‘all or nothing’. Understand?
I want to be able to show you that.
L, I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm a little frightened and panicy. ???
Everytime, the anticipatory anxiety, right before A's scheduled telephone call, is brutal. I'm self-defeating. I hate this feeling. There has to be something to do so I can change.
I guess I'm trying to protect myself, but it doesn't work.
Good morning JJ, I've read your letter above. You know I've got to ask, what is the outcome you would like from this type of letter?
As I am reading this letter, I sense two different messages. I sense a lighthearted invitation to a more consistent and friendly connection and I also feel a sense of intensity.
So, that is why I ask what outcome you would like. Is it to increase friendly dialogue and/or interaction with A or something else?
By the way, you are a night owl! :o) hugs...
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
Hi, just found this thread and I have questions of my own. It is hard for me to figure out what is working and what 180's to do or not to do. I feel I have tried all and while I see difference H's reaction isn't consistent. H has changed a lot but reverts back minutes, hours, or a day later. Ex. we have argued weekly for 11/2 years over the same issue -while I have tried different responses to prevent the arguments with little change. He recently realised that we argue mostly about the same topic and suggested that we not talk about the topic to have quieter encounters. When he brings it up - i given reminders that it is off limits - he agrees and then continues. IT basically doesn't stop for anything. Could it mean that he really can't work through the issue no matter how hard he tries? Are there really deal breakers in M? I get the sense that he wants to be with me and work this through but it really goes against him.
Here is a question for you, Laurie. Can you tell me ... what is a separated wife to think?
Two weeks ago, my H and I were supposed to have a "marital settlement conference" with our attys. When his atty called my atty the night before the scheduled meeting, my atty revealed to his atty.(something that H did not already know)that I valued the house at twice as much as H did. That's because he was trying to undercut the price of the house by half.
Anyway, H's atty. then spoke to H and called back to cancel the meeting. When I spoke to him the next day, he said his atty was going to send us a proposal and we were to bounce a counter proposal back and then meet with a mediator and go from there. (I personally, don't think he really KNOWS what's going to happen - it's all just conjecture on his atty's part).
Anyway, that was two weeks ago. When I spoke to him a week ago, he asked if I'd received anything yet, and I said no. I have not heard from him or spoken to him now in over a week and there has been no news.
My question is: if he really wants to do this, why is he breaking meetings and dragging his feet?
Thanks if you can answer, Thanks also, if you can't poet
That's a good thing.
