Sad to say, but I have seen more than one H that was verbally, mentally and emotionally abused by a W. It is disgusting and embarrassing to watch. At first, I think a person watching may feel a little sorry for the H, but after it continues, they wonder why in the world doesn't he find his ba!!s and stand up to her and put her in her place. (Settle down all you female sisters, I mearly meant for her to show respect to him.)
I will tell you something about us females, though. Sometimes......well, actually, a lot of times......well, honestly, most of the time....we have to be convinced to respect a man. Now, guess who has to convince her? That's right, the man himself has to do it b/c if he takes whatever crap she dishes out.......she will do it.....if she's his wife. If she is not his wife, she just doesn't have to have anything to do with him. A husband does not convince his wife to respect him out of being a bully toward her, either. He does it in other ways.
A women should absolutley adore and amire her H! She should be so crazy about him that she feel like she could kiss the ground that he walks on. She won't do it, of course, not if she has any respect for herself, but that is how she should "feel" about him. Now, stop and think about it for a minute. What "if" she did actually kiss that dirty old ground he walked on? How would he feel about her and how would he treat her? I can tell you exactly how he would treat her if she went around kissing his footprints in the dirt. He would start treating her like she was the dirt!! Just like he doesn't want a female clinging to his legs everytime he starts to walk out the door or have her to cry and beg him not to ever think about leaving her and act all needy and disgusting like that. He is attracted to a woman that has a lot of self-confidence. He likes a woman that has sugar, but a whole lot of spice, too. He wants a woman with some zest for life topped with a little spunk. He admires a woman who keeps herself in shape and looks nice all the time. He respects a woman who respects herself. How am I doing? Have I got it down pretty pat, so far? Well, I could go on, but I think you are seeing what I am saying here. Men have things about them that either attract us women or they disgust us. Just as you men feel toward us. I never will forget when I heard someone say that people treat you the way you allow them to. We actually tell people by our own actions how they are allowed to treat us. If they know they can walk all over us, they usually will unless they are a very sweet, godly, or unusual person.
I think men and women allow themselves to start taking things off their spouse for one reason or another. They think, "Well, she didn't really mean what she said." "I know she is just stressed out and needs to get rid of her anger." Or maybe you take it b/c you think it is easier than getting into a "fight" b/c you know that is what it will be and you just don't have the energy for it. Maybe you do it for the sake of the kids. But actually, you are doing harm to the kids b/c you are teaching them that men are not to be respected. If you have a son.......that is bad business b/c he will act like you. If you have a daughter.....she will treat men the way she sees her mother treating you.
I can't say that I truly believe there is hope for your wife changing. I don't know if she is in MLC or not. To be completely and painfully honest with you.....and based on the type of friends and the lifestyle......it makes me think she "choses" to live that way. Now, you can chose to rise above that lifestyle and have some self respect.....or you can sink to her level. I hope that you will chose to do better and especially teach your children that "they" can do better in life and not to go down that path.
I know a young lady who came from what people would consider a "trashy" family. Well, she made up her mind that she was not going to have that life for herself as soon as she could get away from her family. When she graduated high school, she used her scholarship to go to college and she has risen above that lifestyle, but it took hard work on her part. It doesn't usually go that way b/c kids usually do whatever they see lived out before them as they are growing up. She happen to be an exception and chose to be opposite of what she hated.......being called "trash".
It is hard work and it takes a lot of energy to change what you have become accustomed to. I am not saying that you are a trashy person.....oh, my, I did not mean that! What I am trying to say is that I think over the years, you thought it was just easier to allow your W to treat you like she did-- rather than do battle with her, so her power over you grew and grew until now she is out of control and has absolutely no respect for you and I don't know if the kids do or not. You can get your children's respect, in time. As for your wife......I don't know if you'll live that long, but who knows? She sounds like everything I can't stand in a female, so you'll have to excuse me if I don't talk about her too kindly.
I have some suggestions about how to turn your life around, but this post is already long, so I'll save it for another time. I have not changed my mind about what I said in my first post. I personally think you would be a lot better off with her out of your life, but that is a decision you will have to make. I think you could become the man you want to be and it would be a lot easier (or possible) without her, b/c she will do everything in her power to keep you right where she has you......under her thumb. So, with that, I will close. But, take care of yourself b/c we care about you.
Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
