Countdown to New Year, and fresh start?

[istherehope]

Hi,

So this will be as quick and short as possible. I have tried to write a post several times today, but have been interrupted. Right now I am at H's family's house in Mexico City, and he's hanging out with the guys and I am hanging out in a separate room. This is fine with me as they speak in Spanish really quickly about random family members, and it's hard for me to stay engaged.

Last time I posted was the day we drove to LA. This seems to be the day that everything shifted for us, and not the eclipse. In reality it's been coming little by little. It's been painstakingly slow, and this is very frustrating for me still, but we are at a place I thought we might never see again. So the day we drove to LA, we went to lunch and H said I should try to transfer to the US branch of my company in the San Francisco area. We talked about this place being a good compromise for us, as he wants to live in San Diego, and I'd like to go back to the Pacific Northwest. There wasn't much more talk around this, but it lasted for a few minutes and there were no references to our relationship whatsoever.

We spent 3 nights in Guadalajara with more of H's family, and this went really well. I was worried for awhile as people kept asking us where we were going to live, and H would say we didn't know, were still discussing it etc. However today in Mexico City, when we were alone and walking to pick up some tacos, he said that if we were serious about going to San Francisco I should start the process of trying to transfer now. I said I agreed, and he went so far as to ask what I would do toward this end. Again there was absolutely no R talk, and H is not yet wearing his ring. That said, it now feels pretty certain that we are planning our future together. At some point I hope there will be an actual discussion of where we are now, but this snails pace seems to suit my H well, and as long as it keeps going in the right direction, I will not push.

Beyond this discussion which felt pretty business-like, H has been a lot more affectionate. At times he kisses me, puts his arms around me, and has even called me "baby girl" and other nice terms of endearment. We have been in a few fights, the first we've had in months, but they've been short and quickly diffused. I still think H is acting like a teenager in many ways, and gets really agitated when he makes assumptions about the things that I am saying. It is difficult for me to deal with these outbursts and I am trying to figure out the best way. For example this morning I asked him if we were going to do anything today (his family is mostly planning our itinerary) and he said he didn't want to be nagged. I said I was just curious and wanted to know what he wanted to do etc., but then he got irritated and said I needed to drop it. This was hard for me as I did nothing wrong, and I want him to start realizing that not everything I say and do is part of an ulterior motive. This is where I am struggling. However even as I read this I see that what we are struggling with is something that can be overcome, something that we can learn to deal with. I remember struggling with getting my H to be in the same room with me for more than a few minutes.

I'm still posting on the separated boards even though we have been living together again for about 3 months. I think I will probably move to piecing soon if things continue to improve, but I am not quite ready to do this yet. I want just a bit more security in the fact that piecing is what we are actually doing, and for this I need a little more from my H. Like I said, I think we are getting there. I am incredibly grateful to be where I am now, and can't believe how far we have come from the dark place we were in over the summer.

So this is my update for the day. We have 2 more nights here in Mexico, then will stay 1 night in LA before heading home. If anything else interesting happens, I will be sure to post!

Hope everyone is doing well!

ITH