Sandi You say it's ok for her to talk to OM W. But my divorce busters coach says that if it hurts me that I should tell her like that.
I looked back at my posts and did not see where I said that. Maybe it was somebody else b/c I do not think she should talk to the OM's wife. And, I agree with the DB coach. If it hurts you, then she does not need to do it, plus, it cannot "help" the stitch at all, it only can confuse it by her talking to the W. I did say that the less said about the rings and her talking to the OM's W, the better, but I did not mean that it was okay for her to talk to OM's W. Perhaps that is what you thought I meant. I apologize if it confused you b/c I only was trying to get you to let things die down for a while before it continued to build out of control. You were already so upset about the rings and everything all together. If she does call the OM's W again.......then I would talk to her about it. But, try to be in a very calm frame of mind or it will turn into a ugly fight. B/c I think at this point in time that she is lashing back at you for hurting her in your anger.
I don't see this so much as her "testing" you, as much as I see two people who are very hurt at each other and now both of you are in this vicious circle which will grow to be a monster. One of you must be the bigger person here and stop it or you will end up in a D. She hurts you and you lash out at her b/c of your pain, so then she is mad and does something else to hurt you and round & round it goes. It will snowball until it will be much harder later to put a stop to it and try to heal & forgive (b/c there will be much more to forgive by then, than there is now), so you need to do it now. Hope I got myself straightened out
Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
