Whenever I read your post I always feel like I'm reading one of my own. My H and yours are so much alike. We are in the same situation dealing with CAKE EATERS, except my H also has a son with OW and uses that as an excuse that he is not with OW, he's only there for his son. We separated in Sept, but the same crap is going on. H now says that the separation is because I kicked him out and took back the keys but total bull crap. We keep having these arguments and I tell him that he left the marriage before he even moved out and that I did him a favor and that he said when he moved out he said he wasn't coming back. Funny thing is that H now lives with OW since she got kicked out and had no place to go and still he lies about that too. Says he lives alone. But still he says he still loves me. lol
The bottom line to all this is that I actually think things have gotten a bit better. H and I are more distant now and I kinda like it even though I miss him greatly. But I got tired of the lies and all the deceit. You know what, now that there has been some distance, I feel I AM ALSO RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MADNESS. We allow our H's to continue the lies and to continue to have the triangle love affair. Like you, I use to talk to H about OW and even that I think allowed him to think that its ok, I'm going along with his A and I'm ok with it. Puppy is right that you need to set boundaries and to take charge of this and I do too. I am working hard to do that b/c I realized the other day that H probably will not stop the A since he gets me to fills his needs and he get to fulfill her needs and feed his ego but no one is fulfilling my needs so I need to be the one to pull the plug on this. I have to do it for MYSELF. We wait for our H's to come to their senses but they probably will not b/c they don't have to. They're getting to cake eat. Sometimes I'm afraid that H will never come back and the distance will just grow but I also feel that even if I make myself unavailable to H and he choses OW then he would not have left the A anyway, so there's really nothing to lose.
So Pooh, we need to support each other and stop these cake eaters. We need to put our needs first. The other day I realized that a triangle love A can only go on when there are 3 willing participants. I know you love your H and I love my H too, but we both have to love ourselves first!! We need to be strong!!
