WHY STAY? from Michele

[want2believe]

Thanks Michelle,

I agree this is how it happens. My husband cheated on me and moved out. This web site helped me work through my thoughts. There is a lot to loose when you get divorced, and I for one wasn't willing to loose it all if I could help it. I did also love my husband still. He did end up coming back after 3 months, but I had to basically give up and not talk to him for over a week before he contacted me.

Anyway, things have been going good (or so I thought for the last year, but I just recently found where my husband was IM'ing other women on this yearbook website, and with one, he had a emotional affair. I saw the IM log. It was very explicit and they were watching each other on web cams. I did confront him on this, and he said it was just a flirting thing. He felt bad about what happened afterwards and had his login cancelled. I believe it did, as I found an e-mail he sent to this person that stated this, was livid about it and to keep things sane at home, he'd cancelled his logins on yahoo and msn. What is weird is he sent this 3 days before I found out about this, but the e-mail is so right on, it's hard to believe the date.
What is bothering me right now though, is I found her reply, were she was hurt because she thought it was more than just a flirting thing. She mentioned that she'd also found out that he'd had a thing going with someone else, and that it was funny that this was happening after he'd sent flowers.
I hate the lying and decite. It really hurts, but I do love him. He acts like a jerk when he gets caught, and doesn't
really appologize (only after awhile and some talking will he, and only that once). I get frustrated with him and yesterday morning I asked him if he really wanted this marrage to work. He said yes. I asked him then what "HE" was doing to try and make it work. He was totally shell shocked, and didn't know what to say. It was like he'd never considered that he had to do something. Anyway, things were much better that night. I really felt like he loved me. But then I found her reply today
(sorry, but I've lost a lot of trust in him), and it just floored me that there were probably more than this one.
I'm torn here on what to do. I am trying to give him another chance, but the hurt feelings keep coming on back. If
this isn't something he can change himself on, I'm not sure I want him around. It's so complicated because I know he loves me, and I think he's worried about dying and/or me leaving him also, which feeds his actions. If you read the IM's, it's like he's on a sex ego trip. He loves the attention and flattering these other women give him. He really acts like he's into them also.
How can you live with someone you don't know if you can trust? How do I not let myself keep getting hurt going forward.
Maybe I just can't, and then at some point do I just kick him out? I'm really not sure I could ever file for divorce. There is just too much to loose, and too much I've put my time and money into to just throw it all alway (or sell/split it up) for
this [censored]. If he want's it, he'll have to file.
Sorry I'm rambling here. I meant to try and get help, but I guess I'm not really sure what the questions are yet that I need help with. I guess I just need to figure out if there will be a point when I'll kick him out, and second, if I'll ever be able to really trust him again. This is strike two for him. How many do I give him before I say enough is enough.