Another new topic! already? Here we go

[Concerned_Listener]

LIN,
I understand your questions, and I too grapple with them. I also understand your questioning whether a M can be healed after it's been traumatized. I also understand your question of wondering what it is we are working for. Did I capture your main questions?

I keep going because my W shows signs that she wants connection and intimacy. I keep going because some of the changes I make in the Piecing stage will take time to bear fruit--world travel in the Friendship Force. I keep going because I keep growing and learning from this experience, particularly learning how to hold onto goodwill and compassion, even when things are unpleasant or unfair.

I keep going because my W sent me a long email sharing her struggles with depression, aging, body image issues, and other issues. From a practical standpoint, declaring D would be like declaring war, and would be far more unpleasant than to keep working on myself and the M.

If I'm not trying than what am I doing? In my case, it would be looking for an easier life elsewhere, not being willing to do the hard work of loving a flawed human being, giving in to the patterns of resentment, anger, and egocentrism.

Those patterns are what contributed to our separation six years ago. I had privately given up, and was living for myself. I should have had the courage to tell her that I no longer wanted to be married, if I wasn't going to work on things. I was immature in so many ways.

I frequently compare my M to a year prior, and always notice that it's better than before. When it's time to D, I think my M will be a dead car battery that can't be revived.

I think learning how to love under any circumstances with this human being that I've chosen to enter a legal arrangement with, is more important than whether or not we stay legally married.

All that I've mentioned keep me going. Thanks for the best wishes and good luck.

I wish you happiness, freedom from suffering, gratitude for the joys you have, and openness for whatever comes your way.

CL