It seems to be working! Sometimes....

[sandycay]

Brag time- My S won the divisional championship last night for the 200 IM (swimming) and he's a freshman....I broke the dim I've been in and contacted H very excited with the news. He was out to dinner and sounded happy by my tone and said he would call me later. He checked on me a couple of times through out his work day to "see if your all right"

We spoke last night for about an hour or so. I asked him where he thought we where at last night in our relationship. He said, " I think we took 300 steps backwards to the 10 we had made forward. I think we are closer now than we have ever been to not working out. I feel like in three seconds your going to say you've had enough and are done". I didn't discount any of this because frankly it's what I am feeling too.

He did state again that whatever I "thought" I heard wasn't his intention, never was never will be. He wants this family, he wants me, he wants the kids. He stated that he felt relief that I heard the part about "OW" stuff because now it's out in the open. I told him it's been there and I knew and told him and that he denied it. He agreed that was the truth but he didn't want to hurt me anymore, he was tired of hurting me.

He says I deserve a better man than him, he says he doesn't deserve my trust. But he knows he hasn't done anything wrong.

Here's the deal.... my H never lied to me about the A after I found out about it. He hasn't lied about the details of it nothing. So because of that it's hard for me to think he is lying about stuff now. He is not a natural liar. I think you guys Know what I mean.

Anyway, haven't heard from him today as he is in a simulator in St. Louis and he will be headed to TN tomorrow for 10 days.

I am still unsure if I am at the end of my rope. I have time to think about it and make my decision wisely.

He keeps asking "so what are you going to do?" I this time I don't have an answer.