Sorry to hear that. As we have ALL been told, believe nothing they say. Actions speak louder than words. (your sig states he 'says' done with OW)
Don't apologise for spewing your grief, in my opinion it was justified. There is no way that you can control your emotions after finding out about something like that. Unless you are made of marble!.
Go dark and stay dark. YOU will start to feel better then. I know I do (thanks for reminding me JD!)
Didn't do so well myself the past two days detaching. My H is the one who pursues me - so when he wants to get my attention I think that is when he leaves threatening messages about not working on the M. I avoid talking to him when he is angry or trying to convince me of my wrongs. How do I stop the threats? This is the hardest button to resist for me but not the only one he uses to establish contact when I have cut off. I don't like cutting off but if it isn't going anywhere I don't want to be upset any more than I already am. any suggestions about contact, NC, managing contact without getting buttons pushed.
Having a hard time detaching emotionally since exh has been gone. Heck its hard when he is here. I haven't made contact myself, but I am thinking about it waaayyyy too much.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
My sitch is pretty opposite yours, BF will not initiate contact. But I had a thought...have you tried telling your H something like "I would like to talk to you but I won't communicate in anger. Let's take some time to cool off and plan to talk later."
I'm starting day five of NC, still have thoughts of BF and OW running through my head but a little less I think.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Kass, the only person that can stop you reacting to those threats is you. It really is your choice. Remember that.
I would take one look at the txt, think PAH! and then delete it and go and do something completely random. Anything.
SO2, Yep it's hard when they make NO contact. I haven't heard a peep from my W now since a week ago. She asks son about me but won't call. I am treating it like a competition, see who will break first. I try not to think that she isn't bothered or doesn't want to contact me, but simply that she is in competition with me (I know it's rubbish, but it helps me!)
Day two of NC - he left messages I listen to first words to see if he is still lecturing or conciliatory and then delete the rest of it. I used to journal my reactions to avoid doing anything I could regret. Now I journal and I talk here. If I really feel I should respond I try writing an email so I can see it and live with it for a few minutes and then delete it.
pearlh, We both try to start every conversation with "let's keep it civil" and cut it off if emotions get out of control. In person, or on the phone, there is progress in controlling the anger, but I wish it would just go away already. I think the hardest part for all of us here is focusing on ourselves instead of thinking about them all the time. We really need to help each other with that one.
SO2, Keep hanging in there, thinking is not so bad - its the acting on the thoughts that get us into trouble. Emotions need to be moderated by paying attention to our thoughts i.e. when an emotion comes up think about why it is there in the first place -or if a thought comes up ask yourself what do you feel about this. If I miss him, as I do every night, I remember why he is not there. If I think we can talk things out rationally I have to remember the anger that comes up instead. The first time we separated I missed him a lot and had a lot of love for him but reminded myself that I can love him but I can have R with him when his first love is A. It helped me get through tough days. This time I have remind myself that I love him but can't live with the anger. Positive thoughts are with you and keep talking to us instead of him.
Well, I broke NC today, but with good reason. BF sent an email this morning to check in and let me know that he's leaving tonight for ski trip with brother and SIL (which I already knew, their visit has been planned since Sept). I debated whether or not to respond and was thinking I should say something to be polite. So I wrote back to say hi to bro and SIL for me and that I'm going out of town myself. Partial truth, I am/have been trying to go away for the weekend. If that doesn't pan out I will go somewhere and do something fun. Trying to walk the fine line of detaching and being mysterious.
Kassie, I like how you handle missing your H by reminding yourself why he's not there. I will keep that in mind, I think it will help me a lot in the weak moments.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Pearl, I have to say, all things being considered, did you REALLY have good reason?
Think about it, was there a question there that needed answering?
My NC was broken today as well, W called as she had sent ne a txt that I didn't get (out of area) and told me her mum was ill. Called doctor and they have taken blood to see what the problem is. W knows I love her Mum and knew I wold want to know.
conversation was stilted, she was very 'polite' and not freindly. She also asked me when I was seeing the mental health nurse about my depression (see my thread for details). I told her I wasn't seeing her as I didn't think she could offer me any help (same level as W as a mental health nurse). she laughed and said. 'thanks!'. Call ended. 2 mins later W called back and asked me not to call her Mum because she would complain that W had told me. I said that I would call, because when you care about someone, you keep in touch (I meant that I cared for MIL and also that W hadn't called me even though she still says she 'cares'.) Double edged comment.
So, called MIL, she says she is not too bad, will let me know results of blood tests.
Txt W, told her "phoned Mum, she didn't complain. Let me know results of blood tests pls. Take Care. X."
She txt back, "thanks, just out with Jim (sons dog) getting some fresh air!. X. "
I can't be bothered to reply to that. I don't really care WHAT she is doing and can't see the point in telling me.
So, back to dark.
Have to say though, that during call from W, even though I was upset about MIL, I didn't enjoy the call at all and wished she had not rung me. I felt crap for a while after the call. Only lasted half hour though so it's getting better
